The stories behind ‘Me Too’
If you have a Facebook account and are connected to any number of women, you no doubt saw the social media fallout of the recent sexual harassment allegations against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein.
What began with an exposé about harassment claims by actress Ashley Judd in the New York Times quickly opened the door for more than 40 women to step forward with similar allegations against Weinstein.
And then came the “Me Too” viral campaign on Facebook. Dozens of women on my Facebook posted “Me Too” as their status, indicating that they also had been sexually harassed in the workplace.
So, I asked some of the women if they would be willing to share their experiences of harassment with me and my readers.
What happened next was enlightening, to say the least. Several of the women, whom I consider both professional acquaintances and friends, confirmed that they indeed had been harassed by men in the workplace. But they declined to describe their circumstances unless I agreed to protect their anonymity.
“I am certain that in my position and any future employment positions, my vocalizing such an experience would be seen as a liability. It’s the cycle that perpetuates the silence and shame and blaming,” wrote a friend, whom I will describe with the fictional name of Samantha. “I must say I can openly and comfortably talk about that incident with people I trust and with friends of friends, but having it printed, with my name attached to it, creates a different level of threat to my livelihood.”
I’m going to get out of Samantha’s way and just let her tell her story of sexual harassment, verbatim:
“I was a 24-year-old young professional, and I was being considered for a big promotion to headquarters. My boss’s boss flew in from out of town to spend two days with me, to evaluate my skills and give his recommendation. At the end of the first day, he invited me to dinner ‘with the other regional managers,’ none of whom ever showed up to dinner. After dinner, he walked me to my car and forced himself on me, pinning me against the car while kissing me and groping me. I struggled to get free and quickly got in my car and drove away. He began calling me incessantly at my home and continued to do so on and off for about a month, which I deflected. He did not endorse me as a candidate for the promotion. About a month later, I was at an out-of-town team meeting and excused myself to return to my hotel room briefly.
Unbeknownst to me, he quietly followed me to my room and attempted to force his way in. I told him I didn’t feel well from inside the door and he eventually went away. I left the company soon afterward.”
Another “Me Too” friend, with the fictional name of Megan, replied, “If I were to put it out there in the public sphere that I have complained about being sexually harassed, I can say goodbye to that next promotion or next move on the career ladder. It’s sad, but that’s just the way it is. That next employer
will look at me like a time bomb waiting to go off in their workplace. Like I brought it on myself.”
Still another friend, with the fictional name of Julia, said, “I was told that if I really wanted the promotion, I knew what I had to do to make it happen. But I had no witness to back me up. It would have been just my word against his. I didn’t even report it. What’s the point? I just felt so helpless. But there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t wait to leave that job.”
Bonnie Boettcher, president of HR Sherpaz LLC, a Port Washingtonbased human resources consulting firm, said such stories are not unusual.
Proving allegations can be even more difficult if the victim prefers to remain anonymous, Boettcher said, because the accused person deserves the right to confront his accuser.
“When it’s one person, and they want to stay anonymous, it’s very difficult,” Boettcher said. “If you don’t have a witness who is willing to validate the complaint, the accused is going to win every time. It’s sad, but I see it happen.”
The best case scenario for bringing forth allegations of sexual harassment often is attained when multiple victims come forward and “prove a pattern” in the workplace, Boettcher said.
As disturbing as the
allegations against Weinstein are, Boettcher said she is seeing declining numbers of sexual harassment claims in the
workplace overall. She attributed that trend toward more companies realizing they have too much at stake and taking proactive steps to educate their management teams about proper human resource practices.
“I’m actually seeing more employee-to-employee claims than (management-to-employee) claims,” Boettcher said.
When in doubt, Boettcher offered men one pearl of wisdom for behavior in the workplace: “If you won’t say it or do it in front of your mom or your grandma, then don’t do it.”
Steve Jagler is the business editor of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. C-Level stands for high-ranking executives, typically those with “chief” in their titles. Send C-Level column ideas to him at steve. jagler@journalsentinel.com.