Grandma would bench grandson

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: My son has always loved baseball and now that he’s grown he coaches his son’s baseball team. This past summer my grandson got hit in the head with a ball and was knocked unconscious, and he didn’t play for the rest of the season. I assumed he was done playing baseball, but my son told me last week that my grandson will be playing again next summer.

I told my son I’m appalled he’d expose his son to another injury like that, and my son ignored my opinion. I also called my daughter-in-law to try to get her to talk some sense into my son and she also pretty much ignored me.

I know most of the time you tell parents to butt out of things like this but isn’t there an exception when we’re talking about a grandchild’s physical health? I just can’t believe my son and his wife – who are usually good parents - would let their son continue to play a sport after he’s already been badly hurt playing it. - Appalled

If it were my son, and if he loved the sport enough to want to keep playing it, then I would let him play it. (Full disclosure: My kids play ice hockey, soccer and baseball.)

A serious head injury warrants a serious consideration of the risks, of course, and if it were one of the sports that involved repetitive head impact, then I could see wanting to step in as a grandparent to say, “Wait, are you sure?!” But while baseball has its dangers like any sport involving a high-speed projectile, a head injury is more of a fluke than a certainty and so I’d feel better leaving it entirely to parents to decide.

One caveat: If the boy is playing only/ mostly because his daddy is smitten with baseball, then that supersedes a lot of what I just wrote. If that’s true and the boy isn’t good at baseball and a lack of skill/coordination is why he got beaned, then that wipes it all out.

It still doesn’t supersede the parent’s prerogative, though. It just means a grandparent gets to say, once: “If the boy wants this, then I understand, but if it’s more about your wanting it for him, then I hope you’ll reconsider. A kid who isn’t allin is more likely to get hurt again.”

“Good parents,” by the way, wouldn’t try to relive their favorite childhood sport vicariously through their child – so if they are in fact good parents as you say, then maybe it’s time to take the “usually” modifier away and trust their judgment on this.

Re: Baseball: I’m a health care provider and I see kids with concussions quite a bit. I also clear kids for sports. I hate signing off on football physicals because concussions are so common. But if you’re gonna say no baseball, you may as well say no leaving the house. Sports are great for kids.

It sounds like these parents acted responsibly by benching their son until he was symptom-free. I agree with you and your caveats, Carolyn. - Anonymous

Thanks muchly.

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