Beau doesn’t like seeing her ex

Dear Carolyn: I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Things have been going well but recently he began expressing to me that he was uncomfortable about the fact that nine years ago, I used to date the brother of my now-brother-inlaw (through my sister’s marriage). My boyfriend said he is uncomfortable being around him at family events. It was a serious relationship at the time – we lived together – but both of us have more than moved on since then and even hung out as friends on multiple occasions. How do I handle this? - M.

With a more mature boyfriend.

You handle this by not budging, in the kindest and unbudgingest possible way.

Because you can’t budge – not without straining two families and setting a terrible precedent for ceding control of the guest list for your own life.

If nothing sketchy is going on between you and the ex, then the onus is on your boyfriend to accept that your ex has a valid place at your table – and if something sketchy

happening, then the onus is on him to break up with you, not assume control of the men you’re allowed to see.

Whatever the reason: Let him know you understand it might be awkward for someone in his position, but, this is your family configuration. If he’s not comfortable with his relationship with you, then you and he need to deal with its issues on their own merits.

tellme@wash post.com