Family meals can be a lively time for sharing
Let’s say someone listened to your family’s dinner conversation. You might be heard peppering the kids with directives and questions. And the kids, in turn, would sound like proud members of the resistance. ❚ “No cellphones at the table.” ❚ “Eeew, I don’t like those green things.” ❚ “How much homework do you have tonight?” ❚ But what if you could clear the table of that predicable back and forth and replace it with conversation where family members swap stories, share opinions and — say that again — take time to listen to each other? ❚ (And, yes, everyone agrees to put all their electronic devices away.) ❚ It sounds too good to be true, but we checked in with two mom bloggers and a professional storyteller, and they all said that with a few bright ideas you can initiate less stressful, more relaxing table talk. ❚ And how appealing is that, especially now that school is about to start again?
So many benefits
Bri DeRosa blogs about food and families at Red, Round or Green. She’s also a team member of the Family Dinner Project, a nonprofit organization based at Harvard University that, as she explains it, helps families “figure out how to have frequent, meaningful mealtimes.”
The Family Dinner Project exists because research shows that family meals benefit “body, brain, and spirit,” said DeRosa, who lives in Rhode Island with her husband and two school-age sons.
Family meals result in heathier eating, larger vocabularies for young children, less likelihood of kids developing eating disorders, and a lower incidence of risky behaviors among teens, to list just a few positive benefits cited by DeRosa.
And Americans still do eat together. According to a 2016 Harris poll of 2,236 adults, 87% of adults who live with others sit down to family dinners at least once a week, while just 5% never have family dinners. And 93% of those polled
said family dinners were something to look forward to.
“Family dinner once a week is good, but three times a week and more is best” for achieving the social, emotional and academic benefits, DeRosa said.
No surprise, her family enjoys eating and conversing almost every day: “They show up for the food, but stay for the conversation,” she said.
Her family is “flexible” about how that happens. Some nights, for example, they might meet at a park for a simple picnic before cross country practice. Or, if all else fails, they might just gather for an evening snack together.
“What works for one family, isn’t necessarily right for another family,” she said.
She added that most families find it helpful to agree on dinnertime guidelines that establish expectations and help keep conversation positive. Limiting or banning technology at the table and putting the kibosh on interrupting are examples of possible ground rules.
The Family Dinner Project offers a guide, “Starting a Family Dinner Routine for Back to School,” which you can download at It includes ideas for establishing dinnertime guidelines.
But sometimes just getting food on the table, let alone inspiring scintillating conversation, is daunting.
“For some families, not being good at cooking and meal planning — that last-minute scramble to get dinner on the table — is what sinks the whole dinnertime experience,” she said.
One of her often-used time savers is to double a recipe for something like chili or spaghetti sauce and then freeze half for a ready-made dinner later on.
Make dinner a priority
Another mom wise in the ways of the family dinner is Hip Foodie Mom blogger Alice Choi, who lives in the Madison area with her husband and two school-age daughters. She’s been featured in, among other outlets, Cooking Light, “Good Morning America” and People Magazine.
Before she had a family, Choi would sometimes grab prepared food for dinner or eat a TV dinner, but nowadays she puts a home-cooked meal on the table nearly every night.
“You have to make time for dinner and make dinner a priority,” she advised.
If you don’t have your kitchen routine down, she recommends “starting slow, so you might cook dinner two to three times a week” and reach for pizza or rotisserie chicken on other nights.
Another tip of hers is to “meal plan first and then grocery shop” with the list of ingredients you’ll need for the week.
No matter what, not even the pros get the family all together every night.
During the school year, because her husband sometimes works until 7 or 8, Choi and the girls might eat together before he comes home. But in summer when schedules are more relaxed, they often delay dinner until he gets home.
Once there’s some semblance of food on the table and the family is assembled, you’ll need to make the most of the time.
“The average family dinner is only 20 minutes, so don’t waste time with questions that will get you oneword answers, or with nagging,” said DeRosa. “Putting the kids under the microscope — Did you practice the violin yet? Have you written your English paper? — takes a toll on enjoyment.”
And manners? Don’t be too vigilant: “No one is going to go off to college not knowing how to use a fork.”