Mentally healthy cultures accept people as is
the human psyche, we find a dance of polarities between the feminine and masculine aspects of the self.
Psychologists believe girls and boys enter the world with mental facets of both genders. Psychoanalyst Carl Jung labeled these latent capacities, referring to women’s male aspect as the “animus,” and men’s feminine side as the “anima.”
Usually, a healthy psyche has a relative balance between these genderoriented aspects of self. The hypermasculine male and the over-sexed female are examples of folks leaning way too hard toward one gender identity in deference to the other.
Granted, balancing the two gender aspects of self is rarely a fifty-fifty proposition. Some are made to lean more one way than the other, but this should not exclude the flip side of the gender duality. Without relative parity between the anima and animus, we risk over-emphasizing one, which can create interpersonal issues as well as identity conflicts.
Think about it. There are some tough dudes who still have a soft side, are willing to show it, and don’t apologize for it. That’s balance. And there are lovely and genteel ladies who know when a line has been crossed and will have none of it. That’s balance.
As you might expect, the relationship between anima and animus shapes one’s attitude toward and interactions with the opposite sex. What’s more, this can relate to one’s gender identity itself.
Derek illustrates this conundrum. A student athlete right through college, his peer group strongly encouraged masculinity, as traditionally defined, limiting venues where he could express his feminine side.
In fact, he found himself bombarded with approval for being a tough guy, to the point that, when his softer self showed its face, off-putting reactions followed. The result? His anima went into hiding, becoming a very private aspect of his personality, leaving him feeling inauthentic and ashamed.
We’ve long recognized that repressing an important aspect of one’s self yields unintended negative consequences. Yet, our culture sends powerful messages, both through media and social groups, that admonish people to stay within the lines of societally defined gender roles.
Consequently, even those who recognize and accept both gender aspects of their personality, often face implied or even explicit criticism, sometimes even outright rejection. Remember when Speaker of the House John Boehner teared up during emotional moments in the public spotlight? Well, he was frequently mocked for showing his softer side.
Understandably, some of us reject traditional gender stereotypes, including those I’m using in this column. The idea that masculinity means being “tough” and that femininity involves being “soft” reflects this implicit cultural bias.
From a gender standpoint, mentally healthy cultures are those that allow people to be who they are rather than dictating who they should be.
You’ve heard the assertion that “men are from Mars, and women from Venus.”
When it comes to gender, we are, figuratively, an interplanetary species.