Family opens up about suicide of state senator
‘There is always a better option ... never give up’
FOND DU LAC – It was the longest night Kim Gudex can ever remember. She called her husband’s phone over and over, praying he would pick up.
Earlier that evening, on Oct. 11, 2016, Rick had walked out the door of their Fond du Lac home, gotten in his car and pulled slowly out of the driveway.
He stopped next to his wife, who was working outdoors and lowered the window.
“Where are you going?” Kim said. “Are we going to have to call the police again?”
He had done the same thing just a week prior — gone on a long drive and not returned for hours, worrying family members who had noticed disturbing changes in the man they had always known to be stalwart and strong.
“They can’t do anything for just taking a ride,” he answered.
He looked Kim in the eyes. “Remember, I will always love you,” he said.
About 1:30 a.m. the next morning the body of Wisconsin state Sen. Rick Gudex was found in a rural spot near Eden in northeast Wisconsin. The 48-year-old family man with two children had died by
suicide from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Richard Gudex was a Republican member of the Senate, representing District 18 from 2013 until his death at age 48. He had not sought re-election for a second term and was winding down from his political career to take on a promotion he couldn’t pass up at Brenner Tank in Fond du Lac, where he also worked full-time as production manager.
He took on other roles as well: basketball coach at his daughter’s school, volunteer caretaker of the school grounds, member of the Knights of Columbus Council 664 in his city.
“I think he was just overwhelmed. There was so much going on in his life but he would never admit it,” Kim said of Rick’s state of mind that autumn night.
Kim has never spoken publicly about her husband’s death. Now, two years later, she and her daughter, 16-year-old Alexana, are sharing their story about the loss of a husband and father who appeared as an outgoing leader in the public eye, yet suffered in silence his own mental health problems.
Months before his death, at the urging of family, he began attending counseling sessions with Kim, and was prescribed anti-depression medication.
He balked at the idea of needing some kind of “treatment.” He was susceptible to the myth that he could “snap out of it” or fix his mental health through willpower alone.
The silent epidemic
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for middle-aged men in Wisconsin. Suicide in men in this age group is sometimes referred to as the silent epidemic.
From 1999 through 2014, Wisconsin health data shows, 8,819 males died by suicide, compared with 2,289 females. And in 2016 — the most recent data available — 676 men, or 78 percent of the total, died by suicide compared with 186 women.
“Rick felt he had to keep a certain face for the community, not just at events or when he spoke in public, but all the time,” Kim said. “It was a lot for him, but he always wanted to cope on his own, and thought not being in control was a sign of weakness.”
The last moments of the senator’s life were spent making phone calls to loved ones to say goodbye, family members have shared and cellphone records confirm. Kim continued to frantically reach him that night through repeated calls and texts.
He finally picked up.
“I am so sick and tired of being tired. I’m exhausted,” Rick told his wife. She begged him to come home. He answered with: “I just want all the pain to stop.”
Then, for a second time, he reminded Kim to remember all the love he had for her.
Alexana has her father’s dark eyes and determination, and she speaks openly about the depth of their fatherdaughter bond — “like a best friend,” she said.
“We went hunting together, played basketball together, loved Friday night fish fries and hanging out at Grandma and Grandpa’s farm. He was the one I went to with boy problems. When I needed someone, it was my dad I always turned to,” Alexana said.
A statement issued by the Gudex family after Rick’s death, just before his funeral, reads: “We now know Rick was feeling an overwhelming depression and hopelessness that he kept to himself.” But Alexana says she and her mother noticed for weeks before her father’s suicide that he acted distant and aggravated in ways that did not fit his personality.
“There was a difference in his moods. He did not look like himself, he looked like he wasn’t really there,” Kim said. “But he was a guy, and a senator, our strong Rick. He’d always tell us not to worry, that he was OK.”
Passionate, political, driven
Embodying the work ethic of the rural farming communities he was raised in, Gudex’s first foray into politics was his election to the Mayville City Council in 1996. Two years later he became the youngest mayor of Mayville at the age of 28. After a move to Eden in 2001, he was elected to the Eden Village Board, and when the family relocated to Fond du Lac he served on its city council, beginning in 2009. He was council president for an unprecedented three terms.
“I believe in God, this country and the state of Wisconsin — values that guide me,” Gudex said during his campaign for state Senate in 2012. He had a passion for economic development and proposed the sales tax holiday legislation back in 2013, offering a tax relief weekend in August to help families with backto-school expenses.
Rick had a concealed carry permit and the endorsement of the National Rifle Association. He and Alexana had taken hunter safety courses together and Kim says he used to wear his gun strapped to his ankle when he was working at the state Capitol.
But when he began to act different and distant, Kim had a family member remove all the guns from the Gudex household. She believes at that point Rick had stopped taking his medication — which health experts warn against — because the bottle was full when she checked the medicine cabinet.
“He wasn’t open to talking about his feelings and I wasn’t going to take any chances,” she said.
‘I’m just so tired’
On Oct. 5, a week before his death, Kim had called police because he wasn’t answering his phone. When he arrived back home about 8 p.m. an officer was waiting at the house.
He attempted to head upstairs to his bedroom.
“The officer told him, ‘Rick, I want to talk with you,’ so he just sat down on the steps and they talked. But it wasn’t the Rick I know who was sitting there,” Kim said. “He was just so off.”
They made a call to the Fond du Lac County Health Center, and Rick got on the phone and talked with a mental health counselor for a couple of minutes, to quell everyone’s concerns.
“He said what he needed to say to them, so they thought he was OK,” Kim said. “I wish they would have taken him that night to get help, but once again, he covered up his feelings.”
Alexana had been texting him that night, telling him to come home. She believes that may have been the reason her father did return, and also the reason she was not among the chosen people Rick called to say goodbye on the night he chose to take his own life.
“When you are that determined to do something, and you are that depressed, it’s hard for things that people say to get through to you,” Alexana said. “But I think he knew if he heard my voice, he would have changed his mind, and his mind was already made up.”
The teen has regrets about the last night she saw her dad. Earlier in the evening, as she headed out the door with friends, she failed to give her dad the usual hug goodbye. Maybe it was because she was with her friends, she said.
For the first time in her life, she also failed to go into his bedroom to say goodnight when she returned home for the evening. The sadness of those missed opportunities still lingers, she says.
After Rick texted his location to a family member in the early morning hours, the calls ended. By the time he was found, he had already died from a single gunshot wound to the chest.
The next morning, at 5 a.m., a chaplain and some men dressed in suits, as Kim recalls, arrived at the Gudex home to relay the news.
“It didn’t seem real and it didn’t sink in, for either of us,” Kim said.
At the funeral, Alexana fell to the floor when she saw her father lying in the casket. People had to hold her up.
To help her cope with her father’s death and as a reminder of his love, Alexana got a tattoo — a poignant message that was shared between father and daughter. It stretches from her wrist to the crook of her arm.
“Ever since I was a little girl he had this whistle, this special whistle, so it’s about that. He did it every time he walked in the door, or when he needed to get my attention,” she said.
The tattoo reads: “My Little Princess — Remember the whistle — listen on your wedding day. I love you — Dad.”
Mother and daughter say counseling has helped get them through the darkest moments. Support from the community and all the people in their lives continue to help them rise above that pain.
In sharing their personal tragedy, they want to convey a message to all those who may be suffering in silence with depression and feelings of hopelessness.
“There is always a better option, so please go get help and never give up. Think about how your family would feel without you,” Alexana said. “Like my mom’s favorite quote says: Suicide doesn’t take away the pain. It just passes it on to someone else.”