Find time, space for grandma
Dear Carolyn: I am having my first child in four months and unfortunately, my pregnancy is a difficult one. The real problem is my mother-in-law, “Peggy.” She keeps pestering me about my pregnancy and expects every detail. Although my husband has repeatedly told “Peggy” I need space, she hassles me about wanting to help decorate the nursery and go on baby-shopping expeditions.
I am not comfortable with my motherin-law and do not enjoy her company. I also do not feel obligated in any way to share my pregnancy with her. My husband and my mother, sisters and close friends are the only ones I want to share this experience with. How can I get “Peggy” to back off? – Arizona
Unless Peggy has harmed you or your husband, she belongs in your baby’s life. Get used to it.
Even better, embrace it. Desperate people do desperate things; stop shutting Peggy out, and maybe she’ll stop pressing so hard. Speaking to her directly instead of by carrier husband is one place to start.
You don’t have to admit Peggy to your innermost circle, birthing room or baby registry. She has no right to push for details or choose your nursery decor. But you have no right to box a grandmother out just because you don’t like her. For your husband’s sake, for Peggy’s, especially for your baby’s, and ultimately for your own, find some bearable ways to let a grandma enjoy her new role.
Dear Carolyn: I’m 20 and have been in an amazing, change-your-life-relationship with someone for almost two years. We are spending next semester on opposite corners of Europe, and I feel pressured by everyone BUT him to take a break to “test” the relationship. I understand the logic of their argument – taking time apart could strengthen our certainty that we are great for each other. But why do that when I already know? – Mulling
Maybe a better question is, why mull at all when this “break” you keep mulling is a certainty? Whether you pledge fidelity or split up or brave a don’t-ask-don’ttell, you’re going to test the relationship just by pursuing your own semesters abroad. Discuss what you both want, part warmly, see where it goes.
Dear Carolyn: A relationship with an incredible woman recently ended and I am trying to get back into the dating scene. I know the fastest way to get away from the sadness is to keep busy and date new women, but every time I go out, I am always comparing the women with my ex-girlfriend and sabotaging myself. I feel like I am in a Catch-22. To get over her, I need to date, but when I do date, I only end up thinking about her. Help. – Washington
The sadness remedies I know involve specifically not trying to replace an old hurt with new dates.
Stop forcing the issue and instead devote yourself to finding happy or productive uses for your spare time. Bonus points if they’re things you let fall by the wayside to free up more time for her when you were together. Save dating for when you meet someone who makes you want to start dating.