How to talk to your kids about shootings, violence.
As you consider whether — and how — to talk to your children about the Molson Coors shooting, experts say it’s important to consider their ages, what they already know and what they might be likely to find out.
For children younger than 7, it might be possible to avoid the subject, said Karyn Riddle, a University of Wisconsin-Madison professor who examines how exposure to violence in the media affects children.
“News stories like this can be very frightening,” Riddle said. “Young kids this age, they’re not as likely to learn about it secondhand on the playground from other kids. Parents might want to shield them from a story like this altogether.”
Riddle said it’s appropriate for parents to turn off the news and avoid the subject entirely if they believe their children will not be otherwise exposed to hearing about it.
Shielding might not be effective with older kids, though, who are more likely to hear about the news from peers or media. In these cases, it’s important for adults to be available to offer information.
“Kids will fill in the blanks if they just get pieces of the news, and then they’ll fill in with fantasy or misinformation, and that can be even more scary than the truth,” said Mike Stenz, a therapist at Mental Health America of Wisconsin.
Stenz said it’s also important to ask children how they’re feeling and share their own feelings: “Like, ‘It sounds like you’re feeling sad. I feel sad, too.’”
Walter Lanier, pastor of Progressive Baptist Church and a mental health advocate, said it’s important to welcome both children and adults to share their feelings in safe places.
“It’s appropriate to ask every question you have. It’s appropriate to question God. It’s appropriate to be angry,” said Lanier, who also directs student resources at Milwaukee Area Technical College. “Let those emotions process through; that’s what they’re there for.”
Experts said it’s also helpful to explain to kids that there are plans in place to keep them safe.
“Kids need to be reassured their parents and communities are doing everything they can to keep them safe,” Stenz said. “They need a lot of reassurance.”
Resources
The Disaster Distress Helpline offers immediate crisis counseling to people affected by shootings: Call 1800-985-5990 text “TalkWithUs” to 66746.
The state Department of Health Services offers guidance on common reactions to community disasters, coping methods and resources at https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/dcts/ disaster-response.htm.
The American Psychological Association offers advice on helping children manage stress after a shooting at https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/ aftermath.