‘THEY’RE GONE, BUT THEY’RE NEVER FORGOTTEN’
No official ceremony, but lots of intimate Memorial Day moments at Union Grove cemetery
UNION GROVE – For the past decade, Judy Viljevac has come to her husband’s grave on Memorial Day. They met a few months after he returned home from the Korean War when she poured him a cup of coffee. After Viljevac told another waitress about the cute guy she just served, her friend dared her to write a note on his car.
Dare accepted.
Viljevac used her finger to etch in the dust on the blue car: “You in the brown shirt — how about a date?”
They were married 51 years and raised four children before he died in 2010.
“You’ll probably think I’m crazy, but I used to write him notes and leave them here,” Viljevac said as she planted small vases filled with red, white and blue flowers Monday afternoon next to his gray headstone. “I miss this guy.”
She enjoys the annual Memorial Day ceremony at Southern Wisconsin Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Union Grove and was delighted one year when a bagpiper stood next to her husband’s grave to play “Amazing Grace.”
This year, though, there was no ceremony. At least not officially.
For the first time since it became an official holiday to honor those who died while serving in the Armed Forces, Memorial Day parades, ceremonies and observances were canceled because of the COVID-19 pandemic.
But a virus can’t change the meaning of the day. Nor did it stop folks from honoring loved ones who served America in uniform. So in a way, there were lots of Memorial Day ceremonies like the one Viljevac and her grandson and his girlfriend performed by placing flowers at her husband’s grave.
Carolyn Grenyo of Racine brought a bouquet of carnations and roses to the grave of her younger brother, Michael Ziller, an Army veteran who served in Vietnam. He died in 2012 from a fall. He was 63.
“I think it helps me to come here. I feel close to him being here,” Grenyo said.
Though American flags were not placed at every grave at national veterans cemeteries this year, they were at Wisconsin’s three state veterans cemeteries, including Union Grove. Normally, hundreds of volunteers fan out a few days before the last Monday in May, but this year, because of social distancing, cemetery staffers and a small group of volunteers performed the honors.
Carol Kane was worried her husband, James, a Marine who fought in the Korean War, wouldn’t have a flag, so she and her daughter Debbie Merkt brought one. She was happy to see thousands of small flags, plus many large ones, planted throughout the sprawling grounds.
Each Aug. 30, Kane visits her husband’s grave on the anniversary of his death in 2008.
“Corona has kind of forced us to all slow down and not take for granted the sacrifices of those who served,” said Merkt.
People brought flowers, flags, small wreaths and photos. They sat or knelt or stood silently with bowed heads or talking quietly with family members. It was peaceful and quiet with only the sounds of an occasional rumbling motorcycle, robins singing in trees and thousands of flags flapping in a humid breeze. Around 2:45 p.m., an ad hoc parade of fire trucks, motorcycles and cars slowly wound its way through the cemetery. Every 15 minutes, bells in a carillon tolled.
At 3 p.m., Tom Sitter sounded taps on a World War II-era Army bugle he bought online. Sitter knows his bugle is vintage because he was an Army bugler during World War II.
Sitter, 96, drove from his Madison home to visit his two brothers, a couple of cousins and an Army buddy who are buried at Union Grove. He, too, will be buried here someday.
Sitter was an Army medic in the 220th Armored Medical Battalion who arrived in Europe in February 1945 right after the Battle of the Bulge. He had to learn 40 bugle calls ranging from taps to reveille. On Monday, he was a bit embarrassed by his taps rendition, which he blamed on lips that haven’t played in a while.
He joked that his Army buddy buried at Union Grove would have kidded him about his playing.
The familiar bugle melody is played to signal the end of a day for troops, as a way to tell them it’s time to go to sleep, and of course, it is played at military funerals to honor the dead.
“I kept thinking my youngest son died a month ago, he wasn’t a veteran, but I sounded taps for him, too,” said Sitter.
Brad Diehl sat cross-legged next to the grave marker with the name of his grandfather, Robert Diehl, a Korean War veteran who served in the Army, on one side and his grandmother, Barbara, on the other side. When his grandfather died at the age of 76 in 2010, Diehl attended the service but couldn’t stay for the burial.
“But I’m here now and trying to keep a dry eye. I’m completely honored to be here,” said Diehl of Delafield.
One row over, Emily Devlin and her boyfriend, Kyle Huey, sat next to the grave of her grandfather, John Devlin, who served in Vietnam in the Army. He died in 2006.
“I was close to him. Even though I was 12 (when he died), I miss him. We try to visit him twice a year,” she said.
Jay Suttle visited the final resting places for his World War II veteran father, father-in-law and other family members. Suttle served 22 years in the Army in both Vietnam and Desert Storm.
For him, visiting veterans’ graves on Memorial Day is a duty and an honor.
“I’m retired Army, we still serve and we like to visit soldiers buried here and let them know we still care about them. They’re gone, but they’re never forgotten,” said Suttle of Milwaukee.