How to handle noisy neighbors
Dear Ms. Hax: Six months ago, reduced circumstances led me to move to a neighborhood with very small yards. Each house is roughly 15 feet away from the next, and the backyards are tiny. For this reason, I'm very careful that my children and I are never loud enough to disturb our neighbors. New people moved here a few months ago. They seem nice, but regularly play music loud enough to hear clearly through closed windows. They've mentioned having outdoor speakers for their music, and asked me to tell them if their noise was ever too much.
But it's always too loud – and I don't want to seem like the mean old lady who would never have them use their equipment. Yet, why would anyone install outdoor speakers in a setting like ours, as we all live so near to each other?
They also had an outdoor gathering until 1 a.m., with the conversation becoming increasingly vulgar as the evening wore on, presumably due to drink.
Should I remain patient or say something, as they requested? Their noise doesn't last all day and isn't every single day. But it's very grating when it happens. I'm nearly a senior citizen and don't want to seem like intolerant.
Am I overreacting? Perhaps it's the norm to accept hearing others enjoying their lives.
Careful: That's not all bad, is it? To hear neighbors “enjoying their lives”?
I realize some people are going to hateread everything past this point, but: Music is joyous noise. Even music you wouldn't have chosen yourself, up too loud, coming from your neighbor's yard.
This isn't everyone's view, obviously, and it's a nearly impossible one to hold if the music is offensive, bad, constant, distracting or in open defiance of a polite request to turn it down.
But by your description that's not what you have here – so maybe use their courtesies as opportunities to think less music-stoppage and more affirmation of life.
Most of this is pragmatic resignation: You have a drastically better shot at changing your own mind than you theirs.
Part is not even about their noise, but about your silence. Of course we should be mindful of our neighbors, but excessive courtesy can become self-erasure.
I may be wrong, but I also sense a class issue. You mention your “reduced circumstances” brought you there, and question outdoor speakers in “such neighborhoods”?
Local noise ordinances exist to sort out some of this gray area, for good reason; proximity can breed contempt. But so can the opinion that enjoying music outdoors is only for those who can afford a big enough yard.
You have children, a new neighborhood and friendly but noisy new neighbors. Maybe the only sensible answer for this combination and your temperament is to trust they were sincere and ask them to turn down the volume. You have every right to do that.
But I hope you will at least try on the idea first of freer-spirited living. Can their joy be even a wee bit contagious?
Such good-faith good sportsmanship can foster goodwill, which can really help at 11 p.m. when it's time to say, “Enough.”