‘Acts for Asher’ created to honor boy who lost his life a year ago
To have the world forget about Asher Hau, who died a year ago, months before his second birthday, would be like losing a special kind of light.
So his mother, Kelsey Hau, is doing something about it.
Really, she wants everyone to do something about it and is encouraging everyone to perform an act of kindness Wednesday — the anniversary of his death — and post it online.
“He was such an impact on my life and for everyone else who met him,” said Hau, of Milwaukee. “Your biggest fear is that the world is going to continue to move on and eventually people aren’t going to remember this little beacon of light was here just for a little bit of time.”
Halfway through her pregnancy, doctors told Hau that her unborn son would have brain abnormalities. On Sept. 18, 2017, Asher was born and soon diagnosed with neuronal migration disorder, a condition that essentially stops the brain from growing.
“Shortly after he was born, we realized he was going to be on the more severe spectrum,” Hau said. “It led to temporary minor issues, like feeding and breathing issues that worked itself out.
“But at about six months, he developed epilepsy and after that, he slowly started to decline. At about his first birthday, we realized he wasn’t going to be with us long.”
Throughout his short life, Asher was developmentally stuck at a newborn stage, never able to speak or sit up on his own.
There were weekly appointments for physical and occupational therapy. A feeding tube and supplemental oxygen at home. Regular meetings with a therapist to work on his vision impairment. Steroid treatments, even brain surgery to try to control his epilepsy.
Despite the treatments, he rarely cried. He loved to be outside. His eyes lit up when he was out of the hospital and was able to spend time in his grandparents’ pool. He enjoyed all the snuggles
‘The idea is that we just want to see goodness come out of it, see and tangibly feel all the good that is coming from him.’ Kelsey Hau
he could get.
There were more than 20 hospital admissions in all, with the first long-term stay coming when he was five weeks old, another one when he reached six months.
At a meeting with Asher’s medical team last year on May 16, Hau was told that they had reached the end of the treatment working. That day, Hau took Asher home and started to prepare to say goodbye. After caring for Asher as a single mother, she moved back in with her parents, so they could help with his final days.
“I lived in denial,” said Chris Hau,
Asher’s grandmother. “He’d been skating the odds for so long.”
Asher, she said, did everything on his own time.
“He held on as long as he possibly could.”
On July 1, three months shy of his second birthday, Asher died. He was two and a half weeks into hospice care.
“From the very beginning, he defied all the odds,” Kelsey Hau said. “From day one, he was such a little fighter.”
‘Acts for Asher’
The idea for “Acts for Asher” came about because of the loss of Asher, but also the time we are in — a world of pandemic and protests. Kelsey Hau hopes the effort gives people a chance to pause and reflect on goodness.
“It’s been a tough couple months for our country and community. It’s a different era these days,” she said. “People aren’t as friendly or engaging than I may have noticed in the past.
“I think everyone can use a little more happiness and light in their lives.”
The idea is that on Wednesday — really this whole week — people post about their acts of kindness on social media with the hashtag #ActsforAsher and tag themselves with the @Actsfor Asher Instagram account.
Kindness acts can also be sent to actsforasher@gmail.com for those who may not use social media, like Instagram.
Asher is survived by his five aunts, three uncles, his grandma and grandpa, whom he referred to as ‘hamma’ and ‘hamp,’ and, of course, his mom.
“I don’t know how to describe it, there was just a light about him,” Kelsey Hau said. “He just helped us all take a step back and slow down.”
She hopes to turn Acts for Asher into an annual event.
“The idea is that we just want to see goodness come out of it, see and tangibly feel all the good that is coming from him,” she said.