She changes her mind about kids
Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: What do you do when you have changed your mind about having kids? My husband and I previously agreed that we didn’t want them, but we were young and immature. I now do. My husband says he hasn’t changed his mind, but I’m not sure if he’s really given the idea a chance to percolate in his mind. I really think he would be a great father and that if I got pregnant by “accident” he would recognize what a blessing it was.
He has always left birth control up to me, so I don’t really think he has the right to complain if I “forget” to take it. Would it be wrong for me to “accidentally” get pregnant? – Changed My Mind
Changed My Mind: About 18 kinds of shockingly wrong.
Get his consent or get a divorce. And do some serious work on your character, because you’ve breezily rationalized the deceitful conception of a child who will impose parenthood on a father who doesn’t want it, and a reluctant father on some poor child who can’t possibly want that, either. A child is a fully distinct being, not your personal wish-fulfillment vessel.
People who make birth control entirely their partner’s problem aren’t exactly heroes, but turning them into parents as punishment is hardly the moral triumph you seem to suggest.
I am now fresh out of wow.
I’ll let you all weigh in while I stagger around in mute horror:
That’s massively wrong. If you get pregnant “on your own” – i.e., without your husband’s consent to be a parent – then you may as well prepare to be a parent alone. If you desire to be a parent more than you desire to be a partner to your husband, then divorce so you can both move on.
He does have a right to complain if you remember to take your birth control and then willfully choose not to, without telling him. That’s what the quotes around “forget” mean, right?
The quality of a relationship is only so good as the trust and consideration of your partner that you put into it. An “accidental on purpose” pregnancy is the worst kind of trust-breaking betrayal and arm-twisting there is, because parenthood is a long, expensive and difficult lifestyle change that you need to be ready, willing and able to undertake or it will destroy the relationship. The assumption these “accidental on purpose” women make that their partner will be a happy parent once they see the baby, and will stick around, when a more usual response is to be really pissed off and break up for being forced into a lifestyle they have no interest in.
There’s no way that question from the wife about “accidentally” forcing her husband to become a father is real? Right?? Dear lord.
Dear Carolyn: Why is it that people are all of a sudden righteous when it comes to these things? People do horrible stuff all the time and this person can have a baby if she wants to. – Anonymous
Anonymous: I’m now on negative wow supply. Sweet holy hell.