This cruise is ex­cit­ing and new. Come aboard – these “en­ter­tain­ers” are ex­pect­ing you.

Milwaukee Magazine - - Content - BY DAN SIM­MONS

WHEN NEWS BROKE in Fe­bru­ary that a week­long Alaskan cruise fea­tur­ing Gov. Scott Walker and his wife, Tonette, had been can­celed, we at MilMag de­cided it was high time to spon­sor a plea­sure-boat ride of our own. So con­sider your­self cor­dially in­vited to join the first-ever “Mil­wau­kee Talky” cruise, which will brave the Kin­nick­in­nic River aboard the un­sink­able, unswerv­ing USS Rec­on­cil­i­a­tion.

High­lights* in­clude nightly cup­cake-dec­o­rat­ing com­pe­ti­tions be­tween Sheriff David Clarke – who agreed to leave his Stet­son on shore in fa­vor of a toque blanche – and his jour­nal­is­tic stalk­ing horse, Jour­nal Sentinel po­lit­i­cal columnist Dan Bice. Who can top his con­fec­tions with just the right amount of pow­dered records re­quests and snowflake sprin­kles? To of­fer a health­ful al­ter­na­tive, the nor­mally hard-bit­ten Ald. Bob Dono­van will be run­ning a juicer. Still not enough nosh for you? State Sen. Leah Vuk­mir (R-Brook­field) will demo spanako­pita (aka spinach pie) for all aboard, be they Greek yayas or not.

To work off those stubborn calo­ries in the ship’s weight room, join out­doors­man state Rep. Joel Kleefisch (R-Oconomowoc) and run­ner state Sen. Chris Lar­son (D-Mil­wau­kee), whose spir­ited ar­gu­ments will pro­vide en­ter­tain­ment as you lift. (Please in­ter­ject bad Hans and Franz im­pres­sions as needed.) U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan will lead marathon train­ing on deck each morn­ing, shar­ing the se­crets of his patented “con­ver­sion cal­cu­la­tor.” Shave an hour or two off your best time with­out even hav­ing to run!

For each evening’s main course, Bar­tolotta Restau­rant Group will de­liver daz­zling plates to your ta­ble via drones, and “Top Chef” Heather Ter­hune will hand out freshly im­ported, ap­pro­pri­ately sized Chicago ice, which we guar­an­tee is worth the price.

In­som­nia? We’ve got you cov­ered. Mil­wau­kee County Executive Chris

Abele will be per­form­ing

Shake­spearean mono­logues through­out the night.

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