Readers offer their own advice

ikAR AMY >> “Wondering,” said that he was in his late 50s. He wondered how to approach women to see if they were available, or whether he should stop looking.

My young but wise cousin and I had a conversation one time about meeting women. I asked him what I should do to meet women. His advice was, “Stop looking!”

He said that people can sense when somebody is desperate and that can be a big turn off. He also said to just be myself and strike up conversations with people with the intent of having fun — and not just expecting to meet a woman. This technique allows the real side of a person to shine and not the anxious “I have to meet somebody” side.

Once Wondering has a great conversation going in a relaxed atmosphere, upon departing simply ask if he can continue the conversation over coffee.

If the woman says no because she is spoken for, he should not assume it is over. She may have connections in her network and know a perfect match for him.

Two months after speaking to my cousin, my soon-to-be wife came into my life.

— Happily Married

ikAR MARRIki >> I have shared, and followed, your cousin’s advice, myself.

However, he was not saying to stop looking altogether, but to simply relax and look in a different way. Connecting with people with a friendly and open attitude can lead to friendship (or more) and can also quite simply brighten another person’s day.

ikAR AMY >> For “Wondering,” the single male in his late 50s who wonders how to date again, I suggest volunteering for a charity or organization that is meaningful to him.

I met my husband that way 42 years ago. His conversation starter: “What inspired you to volunteer here?”

My response opened up a world of common interests that evolved into respect, love and a happy marriage.

— Worked for Us

ikAR WORKki >> Volunteering is a good way to achieve multiple purposes: Doing good work and meeting other kind and generous people.

I’m focused on your husband’s first question to you. It is an ideal example of an open-ended question, designed to inspire a thoughtful response.

ikAR IRkNk >> What a wonderful and rich way to record your own personal daily history, while at the same time deepening your friendship!

During a pandemic is in many ways the perfect time to strike up a new correspondence.

I’m inspired, and I hope others will also be inspired to seek regular pen pals.

ikAR AMY >> I thank you for your answer to “Disgusted,” a Black man who was regularly subjected to racial slurs at his warehouse workplace.

I was truly sickened to learn that people are still having to cope with such indignities.