When not to move to a senior facility
Q: My wonderful husband of 40 years passed away three months ago. He was ill for a long time, but I am still really struggling without him. My daughters are pushing me to sell my home and move to a senior facility. While it is true that I am feeling lost without my Bert, I am not ready to make such a big change. I am sure my daughters are well-intentioned so what can I say to get them to respect my current decision not to move?
A
: It is clear you are not ready to make big decisions like selling your home and moving to a senior facility. Unless this decision needs to be made immediately for financial reasons, it is recommended that you wait. After a significant loss like yours, widows and widowers should wait at least 18 months before making major decisions like the one you are contemplating.
Anyone who has ever deeply grieved knows that your emotions and decision-making skills are all over the place after a loss and can take a long time to clear up. Assure your daughters that you will be fine in the short term and that such a decision will not be made in haste. Circle a date on your calendar about 12 months out at which time you can start to consider such a move. Over the ensuing six months, look at facilities, speak with the residents, interview realtors and then, 18 months after the date of Bert’s passing, make the decision — if you are ready! Remember, you may come to 18 months and still not be ready. The grieving process is personal to all of us and some can make solid decisions sooner than others. Be kind to yourself, you have been through enough.
Q: I recently lost my wallet and wow! What a nightmare. I had such trouble remembering what was in it and trying to find the phone numbers to report my lost credit cards. To make matters even worse, my credit card statements only show the last four of my account numbers so, until I got my new cards, I was really in a bad way! Warn your readers to be sure they know what is in their wallet so if lost, they know who to call.
A
: It is awful to lose a wallet for the reasons you state and for so many more which is why I recommend to clients that once a year, usually in January, they photocopy the entire contents of their wallet. The photocopies should be front and back of all wallet contents and the copies placed in a secure place. That way, if you lose your wallet, you have the complete card numbers and phone numbers and can methodically go through your copies to contact each company.
Due to shortened hours these days at the DMV, getting your driver’s license or identification card replaced can be a chal
lenge. You may want to contact them right away. Finally, remember that someone may have found your wallet and may try to use your credit. Contact the credit reporting agencies, Experian, Transunion and Equifax, to alert them to your loss and, going forward, monitor your credit reports regularly. You can also place a temporary freeze on your credit to deter thieves from using your good name.
Liza Horvath has over 30 years’ experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is a Licensed Professional Fiduciary. Liza currently serves as president of Monterey Trust Management.
This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question, call (831)646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com