Online match wants to show up at the office
DEAR AMY >> I’m a 43-yearold never-married man who was matched and connected online with a 50-yearold woman who was married for 30 years and has several children and grandchildren.
We have been texting back in forth for a couple of months but have not yet met in person.
I have scheduled several dates, and at the last minute she has had to cancel for unplanned events.
I have enjoyed our conversations, as we have a lot in common. We enjoy many of the same things. We’ve even had some really hot, flirty text sessions going. Recently, she put the breaks on.
In my pursuit to try to meet up with her, I planned a somewhat surprise visit at her workplace, that didn’t happen (I went to the wrong area).
I am at a point where I don’t know what to do or what to say now.
I really like her, and I really think she likes me, but I don’t think she is ready to date.
Is it worth trying to wait until she is ready, or should I try to move on?
What kind of things should I try to do to slow down to a pace where she is comfortable?
— Stay or Go
DEAR STAY OR GO >> Never, ever, show up at a woman’s workplace. Ever.
You and this woman know each other virtually, but you two are still essentially strangers. It is a violation of the (unwritten) rules of online matching to show up at someone’s home or workplace without permission or a prearrangement. Don’t do it.
In this situation, your online friend’s life is much more complicated than yours. Her choice to break dates and her increasing distance from you means that it is time for you to move on, because she has already done so.
It can be challenging to read another person’s cues when you are meeting virtually. This is why I always suggest meeting for a casual daytime date as soon as possible after a virtual match, when there is mutual interest to meet.
DEAR AMY >> I agree your advice for the “Embarrassed Gran,” whose teenage grandson slept with a security blanket and stuffed animal while visiting her.
When I was deployed on an aircraft carrier, a lot more men than you might think brought some kind of lovey with them.
No one seemed to care. — At Sea
DEAR AT SEA >> Here’s a fun fact from Merriam-Webster: “During World War II, the term ‘security blanket’ was enlisted into U.S. military jargon and referred to any measures or sanctions taken for security purposes, but especially to those for keeping military information secret.”