It's tough to be young and sober at the clubs
DEAR AMY >> I recently turned 21. It feels like life is starting to return to a sense of normalcy as the pandemic recedes, and my friends and I are socializing more outside of our homes — going out dancing, and enjoying the nightlife.
My best friend and I are not big drinkers and every time we go out men pressure us to drink and then try to shame us for not “knowing how to party.”
Can you help us come up with a witty comeback to shut down the pressure to drink?
— Happy Teetotaler
DEAR HAPPY >> Alcohol is the only drug I can think of where people are continuously asked to explain why they are NOT using it.
Much as I enjoy offering snappy comebacks, I think the most important thing for you to do is to completely own your sobriety.
People who pressure you to party are throwing down red flags, and you should take this as your cue to avoid them.
You're starting to venture out now for your first time as a legal adult, and so you should take some basics to heart:
Never accept a drink from anyone other than directly from your trusted companion or from the bartender.
Your professional bartender is your friend here. State that you aren't drinking alcohol and ask for suggestions of a good substitute. A seasoned bartender will give you alternatives and also take this as a cue to keep an eye on you. If you ever feel threatened or even uncomfortable, let the bartender and/or club security know.
(No matter what you're drinking, tip the bar staff well.)
Regarding explaining your sobriety, it would be easy for you to lie: “I'm celebrating `Dry July.'”
“I'm running a marathon tomorrow.”
“Shhhhhh — I'm pregnant.”
“One more DUI and I'm in the slammer.”
“I need to stay sober so I won't slip in your vomit later.”
But owning your sobriety looks something like this: “I don't drink because I don't want to. Thank you for respecting my choice.”
DEAR AMY >> Thank you for honing in on the sexism implied by “Upset Grandma” who claimed to be “confused” by the “paternalism” demonstrated by a family naming a son after other male family members.
People should have the right to honor previous generations by naming children after them. Male or female: who cares!?
DEAR GRATEFUL >> My sense is that “Upset Grandma” was hoping to prod me into a feminist rant regarding male children being named after male ancestors. But she caught me with my rants down.