Perfect guy on outside becomes abusive
DEARABBY » I have been with “Dylan” for three years, engaged for two. I have a lot of insecurities about it.
We met right after my husband’s death. Dylan was the perfect guy in the beginning. Looking back, I realize there were a lot of red flags.
He spends most of his time on Facebook or talking about his high school years. He is also secretive. He acts like the world’s nicest guy around others, but when we’re alone, he calls me stupid and insecure.
Last week he broke my windshield because I asked him about his phone, which he is always using to text someone.
Help me, please.
— Unhappy in the
Midwest
DEARUNHAPPY » I am concerned about you. Because you now feel that your verbally abusive fiance could become violent (Exhibit A: your broken windshield), place a call to thenational Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) and ask someone to help you craft an escape plan. Your next call should be to the police to file a report about that broken windshield. Your third should be to your family to find out if you and your kids can stay with one of your relatives.
It is important you get safely out of there, so do NOT disclose to this man any of the preparations you aremaking. This engagement should be broken.
DEARABBY » I have an issue that I can’t be the only one with, especially as our parents age. My mother has never been the cleanest or most sanitary of housekeepers. Everything “looks” neat and straight, but look closer and you’ll realize her place is unsanitary and filthy.
When I visit, I amnear tears the entire time. My husband tells me to stay in a hotel, but I don’t know how to tell my mother I don’t feel comfortable staying with her.
I’m not a clean freak, and this is notmy imagination. A friend of hers contactedme to tell me she was concerned about Mom because she doesn’t seem to notice how dirty her house is or that her food is spoiled.
I’ve tried to talk to my mother about this many times in the past, but she just doesn’t get it. I have had her carpets shampooed and brought in professionals to do deep cleaning. How can I tell her I can’t stay with her any longer?
— Grossed-out Daughter
in Maryland
DEARDAUGHTER » Tell your mother that you love her, and you have been concerned for years about her living conditions, which is why you hired professional cleaners periodically to help her. Delivering themessage that you will be staying in a hotelwhen you visit is the least of your problems.
I, too, am concerned about the fact she doesn’t knowthe food in her refrigerator has spoiled, and for that reason, I’msuggesting you discuss this with a social worker in the town where yourmother resides.