Man questions intimacy in future

Dear Abby: My wife of 41 years passed away four years ago. I’m in my mid-60s. I have sought grief counseling to fully process her loss. The counselor has encouraged me to maintain and expand my peer relationships. The counselor has also encouraged dating, which I have tried, but no romances have resulted.

My wife was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 mental disorder. When she died, I was glad she no longer had to suffer with her mental illness. With the onset of menopause and the bipolar, her libido had dropped dramatically. The counselor has assured me that if romance develops, sexual relations can happen with women my age.

Because of my religious convictions, I will not have sexual relations before marriage. My question concerns a woman’s desire for sexual relations at this stage of life. Are sexual relations something that can be mutually enjoyed, or just a requirement of marriage?

Wondering in Iowa

Dear Wondering: Seniors are not clones of each other. Some enjoy sex into their 80s; others do not. If both partners are comfortable with their bodies and willing to accommodate the inevitable changes that come as their bodies age, they can enjoy sex as much as couples who are younger.

While your religious beliefs may not allow you to have sex before marriage, there is no reason why the subject can’t be honestly discussed.

Dear Abby: Recently, my daughter asked if her girlfriend could stay with us until the two of them move out in a month. The problem is, the girlfriend is very insecure about her weight. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable around us because I watch what I eat. Advice?

Weighty Issue in Washington

Dear Weighty Issue: Ask your daughter if mentioning these topics makes her girlfriend uncomfortable. Until she leaves, refrain from discussing topics that make her uncomfortable in her presence.

Dear Abby: I am 60 and disabled. I desperately would like a dog. Working at a shelter isn’t an option. I added up all the pluses and minuses, and the minuses were more plentiful. HOWEVER, the pluses are SO tempting.

Logically, I know it would not be fair to either of us. I want someone who is happy when I come home, kisses me, sits on my lap and shares my bed. And someone to care for. Any advice?

Nurturer in New York

Dear Nurturer: Rescue a dog who needs nurturing as much as you do. Adopt an older one from an animal rescue, and you may save two lives at once. That said, it’s important you discuss those pluses and minuses with a veterinarian and take out pet insurance — just in case.