Friendly ribbing about dancing feels like harassment

Dear Annie: I frequently go out with a close group of friends. We also go to bars or clubs. I’ve never enjoyed dancing, and so my preference is to just enjoy the social part of our nights out. One friend has decided that I “need” to dance. It began as a joke, but now every time I see him, he asks me if I have started taking dance lessons and says that he can’t wait to see me out on the dance floor. His constant “joking” is beginning to feel like harassment. On multiple occasions, I have told him I don’t dance. Soon we both will be attending events that will include dancing, and I would like to be able to enjoy myself without the fear of him tugging me toward the dance floor. I should mention that his attention is not due to any attraction on his part as he is happily married. The only solution I can think of is not participating in our nights outs. Any suggestions?

Perturbed

Dear Perturbed: is actions are way out of line. Perhaps it’s time to enlist the help of a trusted friend in the group: Let this mutual friend know the situation, and this person can intercept when he or she sees Mr. Footloose dancing his way over to you. Dear Annie: I had a different take on the column from “Feeling Left Out” — the parent who, after 40 years of addiction to meth and alcohol, has now been sober for two years and is finally having a relationship with her adult children. She was feeling left out because she is not being included in family functions. The key line for me f was: “My kids are drinkers, but nothing like I was.” Her kids might not be including her because it may infringe on THEIR drinking, making THEM feel like they can’t and shouldn’t be imbibing, and thus taking away THEIR fun.

In any event, an honest conversation with them, communicating how she feels, may be eye-opening to everyone.

Andrea, Stanhope, NJ Dear Andrea: This is an astute point, and an angle I neglected to include in my initial response. Often, newly sober folks’ invitations seem to get lost in the mail, so to speak. Communication is key in determining expectations, concerns and fears.