Man’s indecision about divorce makes wife feel crazy

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 29 years. Three years ago, I discovered that he was having an affair. He claimed that the affair was ending anyway. We went to counseling, together and separately, but after about nine months, he said he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. We filled out and signed divorce papers, but he said he wasn’t going to file them yet.

I was looking for an apartment to rent, not thinking he would really file the papers, but one day he walked into our bedroom and asked me whether I could give him an estimate of when I would be moving out. A few days after that, I happened to drive past a town house for sale, and within a couple of days, I had decided to buy it. I had to ask my husband for help, which he gave. Amazingly, though, he asked me whether I was buying the town house for me to live in or for us! The town house is in my name, and I have been living here for a little over a year. Since I moved out, however, rarely has a day gone by when my husband hasn’t come over. We spend the evenings watching TV, go out to dinner and otherwise behave like a married couple. He filed the divorce papers the day I moved out of our house, but when we both were notified of a court date, he canceled it. Since then, he has brought up three or four times that he wants us to get a divorce but live like a married couple because he wants to woo me back. Each time, I cut off communication, and he would plead, saying he would never bring the subject up. Well, guess what. Last night, he brought over divorce papers. I told him that he’d better let the divorce proceed. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. Am I crazy, or is he?

Tired of the Yo-Yo

Dear Tired of the Yo-Yo:

You’re not crazy — but it would be understandable if you were after all your husband has put you through. Discontinue contact with him until your wounds heal. If you don’t already have an attorney, consider hiring one. Start therapy again. Make your home a sanctuary. Designate “emergency contacts” — friends or family you can call when you feel as if you want to call him. Make it so when he tries reeling you in, he finds you’ve cut the string.