1 Supreme hoppin’ mad
Antonin Scalia is the Holly Madison of the Supreme Court. He’s annoying, he’s increasingly incoherent and selfserving, yet his nutty rants against his bedfellows, and the “Ruler” that keeps him front and center, just as it has kept her front and centerfold.
On Friday, Scalia nearly blew his Inquisitor’s hat after he was outgunned, outmanned and outwitted when his colleagues on the Supreme Court decided that samesex marriage must be recognized in every state. (On Gay Pride Weekend yet!)
This terrific blow to his ego came just a day after the Supremes had decided that Obamacare was legal once and for all.
It was all enough to make Justice Scalia want to go hunt down heretics in his St. Thomas More hat. (That insane bonnet he wears was a gift from the Thomas More Society and, ironically, the Inquisition itself was known as “the Council of the Supreme.”)
But instead of hunting sodomites (his word), hoping we all pray the gay away or calling for gay celibacy as his son the priest suggests, Scalia maintained the dignity of office, relying on the letter of the law and Legal English to make himself clear and concise on the gay marriage decision.
It’s “legalistic argle-bargle!” he declared. And then reverting to the original Nazi German, he declared it, “Judicial Putsch” (as in the Nazi uprising). What a Putsch putz! In what might be his most profoundly incoherent and showy sentence, however, he declared, “the opinion’s showy profundities are often profoundly incoherent.” What?
Then, equally incoherently, he wrote, “Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality (whatever that means) were freedoms?”
I do, and would figure most everyone else does too, except maybe ISIS.
Then he added, “And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage.” Right. What?
If you don’t know what the hell that means, he suggests, “Ask the nearest hippie!”
Too bad the nearest hippie is still in Woodstock contemplating the millenium and how Y2K is going to destroy all the capitalists.
Happily, the fool on the hill didn’t restrict his brilliant legal opinions to same-sex marriage, calling Thursday’s decision on Obamacare, “Pure applesauce,” and “Jiggery-pokery.”
Finally, in a true Holly Madison-turncoat moment, Scalia added, about the Supreme Court itself: “A system of government that makes the People subordinate to a committee of nine unelected lawyers does not deserve to be called a democracy.”
So if he thinks the Supreme Court is a kangaroo court out to destroy democracy, what the hell is he still doing there?
Finally, “...with each decision that is unabashedly based not on law, but on the ‘reasoned judgment’ of a bare majority of this Court — we move one step closer to being reminded of our impotence.”
Jiggery-Pokery? Impotence? Here Antonin Scalia actually does sound like Holly Madison on Hef more than a Justice on the Supreme Court. Where’s the legal Viagra when you need it?