7 ‘Total Loser’ First Ladies

To quote Donald Trump, if anyone besides his wife becomes First Spouse, he or she would be a total loser. We agree. Here are some would-be commanders-in-chief whose seconds-incommand don’t match up to Melania.

1. HILLARY CLINTON: First of all, this would-be President wouldn’t even have a First Lady. But we guess it could be all right ... if someone locks up the interns.

2. LINDSEY GRAHAM: He’s unmarried, so the nation wouldn’t even have a First Lady. That’s just weird.

3. TED CRUZ: Heidi Cruz is a managing director at Goldman Sachs — a company that needed a government bailout. Well, at least the White House would be too big to fail.

4. CARLY FIORINA: Her 65-year-old husband, Frank, has been retired for 17 years. Hey, buddy, it’s the President’s job to play golf, not yours.

5. MARCO RUBIO: His wife, Jeanette Dousdebes, is nearly as stylish as Trump’s, but she’s a much worse driver, with 13 infractions since 1997. She also sideswiped a campaign donor’s Porsche in January. Good thing the First Lady gets a chauffeur.

6. JEB BUSH: Columba Bush is the Howard Hughes of this year’s political season, declining interviews and hiding at home. What would she promote as First Lady? Telecommuting? Do Not Call lists? Expanding Fresh Direct?

7. MIKE HUCKABEE: Forget First Lady, Janet Huckabee wants to be “the first tomboy,” as she dubbed herself when her husband was Arkansas governor. She also hunted bears — and we all know how well that worked for Sarah Palin.