Welcome to the ‘West’ wing!
Jim Farber looks at a Kanye presidency
All hail the Commander-in-Beef. Should Kanye West make good on his pot-fueled threat to run for President of the United States, the nation could count on a nonstop run of beefs with everyone from his fellow pop stars to every head of state on the planet.
Imagine the excitement of knowing that the man with his finger on the nuclear button can go ballistic at any moment — and over anything at all.
It would make Kim Jong Un look like Joan Baez.
Maybe that’s what people secretly want — the most common explanation for Donald Trump’s ever-rising poll numbers is that he’s “tapping into the anger of the American people.”
If it’s anger citizens want, then it’s Commander-in-Chief Kanye all the way.
Kanye announced his “candidacy” at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night. “I have decided to run in 2020 for President,” Kanye announced at the end of his epic 18-minute acceptance speech for a Video Vanguard award. He would likely focus a key part of his bile on the nation’s greatest enemy: award shows.
By presidential decree, all prizes would have to be personally approved by Kanye, determined by his objective view of who’s truly worthy. By law, at least half of the prizes would go to Beyoncé, regardless of the field of endeavor. Representatives of both parties have encouraged him to run. “Welcome to the race, Mr. West. Glad to have you,” tweeted @Democrats on Monday.
Eugene Craig, chairman of the Young Minority Republican Fund, told The Guardian, “I don’t think there’s a better way to reach out to minority voters than to bring Kanye into the fold.”
White House press secretary Josh Earnest said of the announcement that he looks “forward to seeing what slogan he chooses to embroider on his campaign hat.”
Apparently, there’s already a “KanyeForPresident.com” domain name, created by 24-year-old Tramal Ferguson back in April as a joke. The move may bank the prankster serious coin. According to TMZ, Ferguson’s phone has been ringing off the hook with offers since Sunday night, with bids upward of $80,000. He told the program he’s holding out for Kanye to pony up, though he has yet to hear from the mouthy rapper.
Kanye’s made political donations in the past — including $15,000 to the Democratic National Committee in October 2014 and $1,000 apiece to Obama for America and the Obama Victory Fund 2012 in September
2012 — so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he spent some bucks on his favorite person.
What party he’d seek the nomination for is another question. While Kanye supported Obama, his 2013 New York voter registration doesn’t list a party affiliation — though he did turn out to vote in the 2014 election, records show. He also registered to vote in Illinois back in 1995, but never made it to the polls, officials said. Kanye wouldn’t lack for an agenda for his White House run. A key part of Kanye’s platform would surely involve not just legalizing pot, but making its use mandatory at all White House dinners.
A West-led government could also do wonders to sex up the cabinet. For energy secretary, West could appoint his own wife, Kim Kardashian, a woman who knows more ways to transform crap into power than any scientist on Earth.
In the recent past, Kanye compared the world’s fascination with his wife to our collective awe for the First Lady.
In another West appointment, Rihanna could play her generation’s answer to pianist and former Secretary of State Condeleezza Rice. For secretary of the Treasury, Kanye could appoint Taylor Swift — the only pop star business-savvy enough to successfully challenge Apple.
The design of the White House would also get an overhaul. Instead of the staid, Neoclassical architecture that’s been around since 1800, Kanye could trick it out with the ultratacky flourishes of Kris Jenner’s Calabasas McMansion.
If nothing else, the result would give new meaning to the term The West Wing.