Green egg & Sam: An 0-16 story
Welcome to Tank Town, USA, and the Sweet Sixteen. Jets Nation, this is going to be ugly. The 2017 Jets have a realistic chance of being worse than the 1-15 Rich Kotite atrocity of 1996, a team that actually had a lot of talent, unfortunately none of it in the head coach’s office.
The Jets could make this the Sweet Sixteen season.
It might be even harder to finish 0-16 than 16-0. There’s been only one of each. The 2008 Lions were winless one season after the Patriots were undefeated. By mistake, a team usually wins one game. With a bad bounce, even the great teams manage to lose a game.
The Jets need to secure the first pick in the draft, which is expected to be quarterback Sam Darnold of USC unless Josh Allen of Wyoming or Josh Rosen of UCLA jump ahead by next April.
Considering the Browns and 49ers are also going to be really awful, the only way to guarantee the No. 1 pick is to finish 0-16, which would include a loss to the Browns, and hope the 49ers win a game along the way. It would just be another sad chapter in Jets’ history if they finish 0-16 and so do the 49ers, and then the Jets lose the strength-of-schedule tie-breaker for the first pick.
How can the Jets put together the first winless season in the history of New York sports?
Here’s the week-by-week roadmap. Hang on tight.
Week 1 — Jets at Bills
Final Score: Bills 20, Jets 3 The Bills defense is so fired up they no longer have to listen to the identical twin geniuses Rex and Rob that they play their best game since Bruce Smith and Cornelius Bennett. Josh McCown is 7-for24 for 75 yards with two interceptions and three sacks. Todd Bowles says he didn’t considering putting in Christian Hackenberg. He says the second-year QB is still getting used to his uniform after dressing for only one game last season.
Record: 0-1
Week 2 — Jets at Raiders
Final Score: Raiders 38, Jets 10 Derek Carr, the pre-season MVP favorite, lights up the Jets for 374 yards passing with two touchdowns to Amari Cooper. Marshawn Lynch scores from the one and immediately sends the tape to Pete Carroll. McCown is 15-for-30 for 125 yards and two more INTs. Bowles says he didn’t consider putting in Hackenberg.
Record: 0-2
Week 3 — Dolphins at Jets
Final Score: Dolphins 17, Jets 14 McCown throws an interception with 10 seconds left as the Jets are moving into field goal range. He spares the fans having to watch overtime in the home opener. Woody Johnson, assuming by now he is officially named Ambassador to the United Kingdom, returns from his London home at the Winfield House in Regent’s Park and wishes he hadn’t. He refuses all questions about the job security of Bowles and President Trump.
Record: 0-3
Week 4 — Jaguars at Jets
Final Score: Jaguars 10, Jets 9 Jags executive VP of football operations Tom Coughlin makes a triumphant return to MetLife Stadium, blowing kisses to the crowd and inviting fans to kiss his Giants rings. McCown throws for just 60 yards and says he came out flat because the Jags were not one of his former teams. The Jets are his 10th. Bowles has Hackenberg warming up on the sidelines in the fourth quarter but leaves him there.
Record: 0-4
Week 5 — Jets at Browns
Final Score: Browns 20, Jets 10 The Tank Bowl. This game has major draft implications. Browns second-round pick DeShone Kizer, in his first start, throws a 70yard touchdown pass to Corey Coleman with 40 seconds remaining. McCown is given a standing ovation by Browns fans, who appreciate his 1-10 Record in Cleveland during the 2015-16 seasons. Still no Hackenberg. LeBron James is at the game. Jets players taunt him with chants of “KD, KD, GETTY/DAILY NEWS KD.”
Record: 0-5
Week 6 — Patriots at Jets
Final Score: Patriots 42, Jets 17 Despite the offensive outburst – Bilal Powell runs for 175 yards and two touchdowns – the Jets can’t control Tom Brady, who throws a pair of 70-yard TDs to Brandin Cooks. McCown is bad once again, running his career record to 18-48. Bowles announces that Hackenberg will start next week in Miami.
Record: 0-6
Week 7 — Jets at Dolphins
Final Score: Dolphins 31, Jets 7
Hackenberg picks up where he left off at Penn State and is bad. He throws three interceptions and the Jets’ only score is a 40-yard interception return for a touchdown by rookie-of-the-year candidate Jamal Adams. As usual in Miami, there are more Jets fans than Dolphins fans. Jarvis Landry proposes to the goal post after his third touchdown, challenging his pal Odell Beckham Jr. to get to the altar first with the kicking net.
Record: 0-7
Week 8 — Falcons at Jets
Final Score: Falcons 31, Jets 17 For the first and what won’t be the last time, the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets chant is replaced by S-U-C-K Suck Suck Suck for Sam as Hackenberg throws three more interceptions. Johnson has remained in London, electing to save money on the cross-Atlantic flight.
Record: 0-8