EXPRESS LINES

Eat My Shorts: I’ll do anything to lose a couple pounds, but flesh-eating shorts? I don’t know. Mass & Slim Leggings claim that wearing them will help you lose an inch from your thighs in two months because the crystals in their meshy fabric raises skin temperature to “eat your skin.” Finally! A much-needed fashionable alternative to that pesky flesh-eating disease ... Going Not Postal: Special Counsel Robert Mueller is in possession of a letter drafted by President Trump and an aide that details why he was going to fire FBI Director James Comey. The letter — written days before Comey got the boot — allegedly outlines the President’s reasons for the upcoming curb kick. But it was never sent because White House Counsel Donald F. McGahn II found it problematic, according to the Times. Like anything involving the President could be a problem. How crazy is that? ... We Are The Champions. Not: L’Oreal Paris loves to champion diversity so much that they hired their first transgender model, Munroe Bergdorf (photo). They fired her a few days later after she fired off an incendiary racially charged post. L’Oreal likes diversity — but not when diversity includes Facebook screeds about “the racial violence of white people.”