SWEETEN THE PLOTS

Fans shouldn’t worry because whitebread Disney plans to buy black-humor Fox. These popular shows will go on as usual, with slight changes: — Jack isn’t dead, after all, but is gainfully employed at the It’s a Small World ride at Disney. — The family of a successful white boy band buys Empire Entertainment as the kids struggle to keep up their grades while churning out those hits for wellbehaved teens. — Step- and same-sex families will be replaced with a more modern family of missionaries. — Now an animated series with cute monsters.

— Carrie wakes up from a coma to find she is not a bipolar, drunk bad mother, a lousy spy and an even worse friend, but the kindly head of the CIA and president of the PTA.

The White House had words with the Centers for Disease Control — or, more specifically, had some words that the CDC is no longer allowed to use, according to the Washington Post. The banned words and phrases, which sound straight out of “The...