I (FEAR) ROBOT?

Nothing to be afraid of folks, take your seats. Repeat, nothing to be afraid of.

Easy for you to say, but the internet is blowing up with fright over Boston Dynamics’ newest video of Atlas, the running, log-jumping humanoid who (is “who” the right word for a robot?) jogs through a bucolic, (read: horror-movie remote) residential area. Good idea, because who wouldn’t want to see that thing running towards your house when you’re miles from help?

The appropriately named Atlas runs like a champ, whirs like a hybrid car, clicks like a printer, and looks like the demon love child of “I, Robot’s” Sonny and the Terminator.

With nearly a million page views on the first day, the video is scarier than the company’s robot dog (which they plan to sell next year), and almost as scary as their creepy, crawly four-legged monster robot that comes straight out of “Alien.” Yeah sure, their robots can stack boxes, but wouldn’t you rather stack a damned box yourself than risk being killed by an army of box-stacking robots who want to take over the world?

Remember, if confronted with a killer robot, repeat the immortal words of “Alien’s” Ripley: “Get away from her, you bitch!”