The kingdom of television

On the one hand, the United Kingdom’s monarchy is a vestige of a bygone age, an assertion that privilege and prestige, if not power, are God-given birthrights. It is an insult to the ethic of democracy and representative government, and a bitter reminder to more than a billion once-conquered people across the world of the arrogance of empire.

It is a weight on the backs of Britain’s taxpayers: This year, the “sovereign grant” for the royal family, whose estimated net worth is around $88 billion, will be around $110 million. Saturday morning’s ceremony consummating the union of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will add another million or so to the tab.

On the other hand, the wedding sure was sparkly and pretty. And oh, that dress!

We hereby propose a compromise between two seemingly irreconcilable positions.

Step one: Following the example set by those of us on this side of the Atlantic back in 1776, abolish the monarchy. Symbolically chop off the head of state. No more dominion, no more crown.

Step two: Have the BBC re-hire Queen Elizabeth, Princes Charles and William and Harry, Kate Middleton (that’s Catherine, Dutchess of Cambridge to you) and Markle (Formal Title to Be Revealed in Exciting Fashion this Morning) as cast members in a 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-aweek reality-TV drama. (Make sure Elizabeth, the star, gets paid the biggest contract.)

Step three: Install cameras absolutely everywhere throughout Buckingham Palace and other royal residences.

Step four: Cross your fingers and hope for some nasty family fights.