DADDIES’ GIRLS
Powerful evidence on why daughters need their fathers (and vice versa)
ing and supporting dads to have these conversations.
Why is dad particularly special? Partly because he is the parent — son or daughter — who is tasked with opening that door into the wider world. This is because, while his attachment to his child is based on nurture and affection, as is mom’s, his bond has an extra element — challenge, the drive to use the close relationship he has with his child to push their developmental boundaries. And the biggest challenge any child will face is the fast-changing, less-benign and less-forgiving world beyond the family.
Where daughters are concerned, this paternal influence is particularly critical, because in a culture which still has strong ideas about how girls and women should be, it is dad who needs to lead the way in showing his daughter, and giving her the patriarchy’s permission, to be assertive, to be confident, to believe that what they think and feel has merit and value.
All of these advantages are built upon the foundation of a strong, empathetic, loving bond between dad and daughter; there’s no substitute for that.
But it is also clear that what dad and daughter do together is important, particularly during adolescence. The key is one on-one-time doing an activity which both enjoy. It doesn’t have to be something elaborate: a bike ride, cooking the Sunday lunch, walking the dog.
There is, studies tell us, something about the doing that appears to be key to maintaining closeness between dad and daughter as she matures, and remaining a positive influence in her life however old she may be.
This association between doing things and strengthening the underlying relationship may partly be based on the belief among children that dads show affection by spending time with their children, whereas moms do so by being physically affectionate.
Finding the occasions to be together can be a struggle when your teenage daughter seems to prefer the company of their peers and is determined to follow their example however much you protest. But where dads persevere and continue to be present, sensitive and supportive, their daughters reap the rewards in adulthood.
The relationship between dads and daughters becomes rewarding in both directions.
It provokes eyerolls among many, I know, when male politicians begin to discuss some topic or another by calling themselves “a father of daughters.” But maybe we shouldn’t be so cynical. It is increasingly clear that helping raise girls and young women influences your views on a range of topics, including gender equality. In their 2018 study entitled “The ‘Mighty Girl’ Effect: Does Parenting Daughters Alter Attitudes towards
Gender Roles?” a team of researchers from the London School of Economics found that being dad to a school-age daughter significantly increased the adoption of liberal attitudes to gender roles within the home, including who should care for children and who should financially provide.
Further, these dads were not only “talking the talk” but “walking the walk,” with dads carrying out significantly more housework. The distribution of household chores was significantly more genderequal within families with daughters compared to those without them.
I am often to be found banging the drum for dads — whether they are biological, step, adoptive or other — because by empowering them to be involved, we can harness the powerful positive influences they can have on their child’s development. And in a world beset by an adolescent mental health crisis, I strongly believe that we need them to be a key player in our families and society.
But dads of daughters also have something unique to bring to the table when it comes to the fight for sexual equality. They know the power and potential that rests in their female child. After all, in loving their daughters they have contributed to it, and by helping them to father, we are likelier to gain a world populated by assertive, mentally strong and successful women. That’s something we can all benefit from.