Ask these questions and save a life
When we’re in a crowded place and notice that someone is about to fall, instinct compels us to lunge forward and try to keep that person from collapsing. If we notice that someone has actually collapsed, most of us don’t think twice about calling 911, or offering to help however we can.
But if we suspect that someone near to us — whether through work, school or our social circles — is struggling with something that isn’t physical, but mental, we don’t always spring into action. We hesitate, if not divert our gaze entirely.
Stigma is certainly part of the problem. It’s difficult to undo decades of learned beliefs, like “crying is a sign of weakness” or “it’s inappropriate to talk openly about your emotions.” But a much larger part of the problem is actually that even with an innate desire to help, too few of us know how to do so when someone appears to be struggling with their mental health.
This is a change we can immediately make. We can easily educate ourselves on what signs of mental illness to look out for per the National Alliance on Mental Illness, plus what suicide-specific warning signs to be aware of via the National Institute of Mental Health. Signs of suicide are often only uncovered when individuals ask the right questions, but again, we can learn those through resources like The Columbia-Suicide Severity Rating Scale, also called the Columbia Protocol, in relatively little time.
This protocol provides individuals with a few simple questions anyone can ask to help identify whether someone is at risk for suicide. It was created to save the lives of millions dying from suicide worldwide by making identifying those in need simpler and more straightforward. It is used worldwide and has proven successful. At a time when suicide rates in America have been rising annually, and particularly among teenagers, everyone has a reason to pay attention.
In the past, people were afraid to get involved, and didn’t know what questions to ask, or what to do with the answers. They didn’t know if somebody wanted to be asked, or if asking could do harm. People who are suffering actually want help and want to be asked. The thought of someone answering “yes” does not have to be scary, because now we know who to worry about and how to get them help.
For example, the questioner may ask:
“Have you wished you were dead or wished you could go to sleep and not wake up?”
“Have you been thinking about how you might kill yourself?”
“Have you taken any steps toward making a suicide attempt or preparing to kill yourself (such as collecting pills, getting a gun, giving valuables away, or writing a suicide note)?”
If the answer to the last question is yes, the next step is to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). That number will be shortened to 988 for nationwide use, but will not take effect until July 2022, under a decision made by the Federal Communications Commission. If the crisis is immediate, going to a hospital is also an option.
It’s critical that each and every one of us go that extra step, no matter how uncomfortable it might initially seem. If someone requires a call to one of these hotlines, don’t just give them the number: offer to call alongside them and support them through it, hand in hand, helping them overcome that barrier to accepting help. After the initial conversation and getting the person support, it is important to stay connected to them. Check in with them frequently. Hospitals that call or send postcards to patients after discharge have been shown to produce better outcomes, so be there for them.
For many people, being asked those few simple questions could be the difference between life and death. Between the threat of COVID-19, job loss, isolation and political unrest, a record number of Americans have been pointed toward hopelessness. And if we don’t get them back on a path where they can see past today into next week, and past next week into next month, we could see thousands more American lives unnecessarily lost to the depths of despair.
Each and every one of us can, and absolutely should, embody this change. One day, our spouse, our parent, our child, our best friend, even ourselves could be that person who is out in public contemplating or about to experience potentially life-threatening harm. And if it were us or someone we loved in that situation, we would want nothing more than for someone to step in and be able to provide effective assistance.
Let’s educate ourselves today, so that we can prepare to be someone’s someone tomorrow.
Posner is professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and the founder and director of the Columbia Lighthouse Project. Miller is CEO of ClearForce, an organization that protects businesses and employees through discovery of employee misconduct or high-risk activities.