Weird true

Just hope you don’t end up next to this guy on your subway ride.

Dave Whitlock says he hasn’t showered in more than 12 years and only needs a bacterial spray to keep him clean and fresh.

The 60yearold chemical engineer and MIT graduate says soaps impede the sweat and oilfighting bacteria the body produces naturally.

A kiss is just a kiss — until it’s seconddegree assault.

A 13yearold boy is facing serious juvenile charges after allegedly planting an unwanted kiss on a 14yearold girl at a Pikesville, Md., middle school.

He acted on a dare from other students when he “openmouth kissed” the girl with his tongue, police said.

Maybe this Wisconsin man needs at least nine lives to survive.

Vaughn Rothering, 22, in Onalaska, was using the laser sight of a 9mm pistol to tease his cat when he spun the gun in his hand and it went off — firing one round into his roommate’s ankle.

Rothering will pay $591 in fines and court costs after he pleaded guilty to negligent handling of a weapon. The judge said the felony charge could be wiped off the books if he stays out of trouble.

Softshell marsh turtles, native to Asia, have been spotted near Boston, raising fears they could wreak havoc on the food chain.

“None of the animals in that ecosystem are adapted to a predator of that size,” said Nigella Hillgarth, a zoologist and CEO of the New England Aquarium.

This alleged jewelry theft took guts.

Jiang Xulian, 39, swiped a $278,000 diamond from a jewelry fair in Bangkok — and swallowed it before cops caught up with her, police say.

Xrays showed the gem in Xulian’s lower intestine, and a doctor went in and surgically removed the 6carat rock. David K. Li, with Post Wire Services