Love connection
Calling all NYC singles! These women want to help you find The One — and they’re doing it for free
LINDSEY Berger is in love with love — and is passionate about helping lonely singles find a match. Even in college, the Long Island-based lawyer would host mixers where she required each invitee to bring three new friends to better assist in setting up her single pals. But in her 30s, the married mom of one assumed her setup days were behind her.
“In your 20s, it’s easy to have a huge social circle of coworkers, former classmates and friends of friends. But in your 30s, circles seem to become smaller as work and family obligations take over, so you’re not meeting as many new people,” says Berger, 33.
Berger’s outlook changed last May as she was scrolling through the Facebook feed of popular parenting group UES Mommas and eyed a post from a member wanting to set up her sister. Berger suggested a match with a former classmate, and was impressed with the dozens of similar comments that came rolling in from enthusiastic amateur matchmakers like herself. Berger realized that, beyond sleep schedules and playground tips, members of the mom group had an underly- ing commonality: They loved setups just as much as she did.
Tapping into a common passion, Berger decided to create a spinoff Facebook group: NYC Matchmaker Moms. Since its creation in spring 2015, the freeto-join group, advertised on several New York City parenting forums, has grown to more than 500 members, including dozens of amateur matchmakers, a handful of professional ones and hundreds of singles who hope the collective expertise of the group can help them find their perfect plus-ones.
“These [matchmakers] are all accomplished and plugged into so many great circles,” says one 30-something Upper East Side single, who asked to remain anonymous for professional reasons. “Dating in Manhattan
NYC Matchmaker Moms Lori Salkin (from left), Lindsey Berger and Meredith Golden use old-fashioned tenacity to help local lonely-hearts find love.
is tough, so it’s really good to cover all your bases. I’ve already asked my own social circle for setups, so this is just broadening my base of men to choose from.”
How it works: Members post stats and pictures of either themselves or of the single they have in mind. The more info the better, including favorite hobbies and biggest turnoffs. Group members will chime in if they have a match, and then will connect offline for the next steps. Pros in the group say they are happy to provide their services at no charge if they think of a client who could be a good fit.
Collectively, the group has a formidable track record, with some members boasting successful matches — in which the couples are either married or in serious relationships — in the double digits. And members say that they don’t have any “secrets” — rather, they employ tenacity, listening skills and passion for what they do to produce such impressive results.
“Before I got married, I would be set up and it would be excruciating,” says Andie Brummer, 38, a married mom with two kids who has successfully put together five couples. “I feel like a lot of people are like, ‘Oh, you’re single? My friend is single! You should meet.’ But that never works. I try to get into details: What do you want your date to look like? Where is your ideal first date? What qualities are most important? Taking the effort to get the details is key, in my opinion.”
Lori Salkin, a mom of three, agrees. A professional matchmaker with Jewish singles site SawYouatSinai.com, the 33-year-old frequently checks the group and flips through her mental contact list for potential matches — but not before digging for biographical info. “What interests me more than someone’s ideal match is how [you’re] actually living [your] life right now. What do you like to do after work? What’s your ideal weekend? How often do you talk to your family? From there, I have a picture of who would fit well into that lifestyle.”
Not all of the self-described matchmakers are moms, or even married. Marin Rattner, a 33-year-old Midtown East resident, is still single, but has set up over a dozen couples, including friends, co-workers and even clients from her recruiting job.
“Marin was calling me every single day until I agreed to go out with Jason,” says Robin Tobin, 32. Rattner knew Tobin for years; Jason was her exboyfriend’s co-worker. Tobin and Jason closed down Nobu on their first date five years ago and have been together since.
The accountability factor, say members, is an added benefit. “Dating can be so isolating, so it’s really helpful to have someone to pump you up, as well as someone to debrief and strategize with,” says Upper West Side member Meredith Golden, who recently branched off to form a date-coaching company, SpoonMeetSpoon.
And for NYC singles who have found no luck through Tinder, connections are key.
“It’s a huge plus when someone is able to say, ‘I know this person, he’s a great guy,’ ” says relationship psychotherapist Fran Walfish. “You don’t get that when you’re meeting someone online. You also approach the first date on common ground: You both know the person who fixed you up, so there’s your first point of conversation.”
But despite their impressive track records, the NYC Matchmaker Moms insist that any New Yorker with a strong social group can take it upon him- or herself to play Cupid.
“If you meet someone great, don’t be afraid to make your own setup,” says Salkin. She wishes more people would DIY when it comes to potential pairings. “After all, everyone is looking for love.”
“It’s a huge plus when someone is able to say, ‘I know this person, he’s a great guy.’ ” — Relationship psychotherapist Fran Walfish