I’m tired of being a player
These NYC bachelors would love to settle down, but instead feel pressured to sleep around
EVER since Michael Garofola, 36, moved to New York in October, his calendar has been packed with different women penciled in for dinner or drinks.
As a former “Bachelorette” contestant, Garofola knows he has no problem scoring with women — he goes on up to five first dates a week. But in the past two months, he’s been feeling spent by the mating game.
“In New York, everyone has this feeling that they have limitless options,” the Gramercy-based lawyer tells The Post. “We have this mentality of, ‘Why should I settle for Susan, who’s beautiful and smart, when I could turn the corner and meet Jessica, who’s just as smart and beautiful?’”
Garofola meets most of the women he dates on Tinder, Bumble and the League. But while he claims he only swipes right on less than 10 percent of profiles, his good looks still net him more than 100 matches a week — and it’s tiring trying to keep up.
“It can be mentally and physically exhausting, and I start to question the time and money I’ve spent,” he says.
Garofola isn’t the only guy who is fed up with playing the field. Sure, the numbers are in their favor: A survey by NYC’s Economic Research and Analy-
sis group found that young single women in Manhattan outnumber single men nearly two to one — and it’s pressuring NYC’s most eligible bachelors to be on the prowl, even if it’s not what they really want.
“A lot of my married friends tell me it’s horrible being tied down, and that women will just divorce you and take half,” says Eric Borich, a 32-year-old portfolio manager at Oxford Property Group. Borich cites pressure to keep dating around so that his married friends can live vicariously through his enviable lifestyle. “Meanwhile, all my single guy friends love their freedom and tell me to keep dating, too.” Like Garofola, he finds the city’s surplus of datable women to be a con — not a pro — when it comes to finding a potential mate. “There’s temptation everywhere,” says Borich, who finds most of his dates through Bumble, Happn and PlentyOfFish. “Everywhere you go, you’ll be with one girl, but then you see another beautiful girl, and suddenly your mind can go elsewhere . . . We all want the next best thing.”
Tech inventor Ben Way, who moved to the Upper East Side from the UK, has also felt the pressure to stay single since most of his friends aren’t in relationships — and blames this partly on American culture.
“In Europe, you’re either friends with benefits or monogamous,” says the 34-year-old, who now uses matchmaking service Lasting Connections. “In America, you’re either friends with benefits, going out or this big area in the middle of ‘you’re just seeing each other.’ This totally screws up dating.”
Nick Notas, a Boston-based dating expert and blogger at NickNotas.com, sympathizes with these busy bachelors.
“In most instances, the biggest difference between the sexes and dating is how much more active you have to be as a guy,” says Notas. “Men have to be the one to pick the place and create a fun dynamic of getting her excited and feeling comfortable. That can be taxing after a while.”
Borich wishes he could cut back on the number of women he sees per week.
“I sometimes hate dating in NYC because it’s like a job interview. [The women] always ask me what I do for a living, if I wanna get married and leave the city, and it’s so exhausting.”
But while some dudes lament their confirmed player status, Notas says there’s actually value in being a womanizer.
“A lot of marital troubles and divorce stem from people settling in relationships that aren’t compatible for them,” says Notas. “By figuring out what you want in a partner and what you need, I think that when you do find that right person, you find out more about yourself.”
But he also says men shouldn’t stay in the game too long.
“I don’t know too many men who consistently want to play the field forever,” says Notas, noting that men who do this for more than a couple of years may have deeper psychological issues.
Still, Garofola says he’s not ready to settle.
“I’ve always considered myself a relationship guy, and I do want to have a family and kids, and it’s sort of frustrating,” he says. “But I’d rather be single than be with the wrong person.”
Lawyer Mike Garofola scores five dates a week — and won’t settle down until he finds the best woman out there.