MRS. P’S AT IT AGAIN
NEARLY six years ago, Mrs. Profit and I vacationed in Puerto Rico during the early stages of our courtship. One night after dinner, we walked into a hotel casino and I sat down at a blackjack table. She opted to watch rather than join. It was too intense, she said.
Within about 15 minutes, I was up a couple of hundred dollars or so. Noticing the growing stack of chips, Mrs. P leaned over and said, “It’s probably best to go now, right?” Of course, I kept playing.
It was too early to go. It was too early to tell if a good night was approaching unforgettable.
Last weekend, when I told her she went 10-5 in her picks, she sighed, then asked: “Do I really have to do this again?”
Yes. If you’re picking winners more than 63 percent of the time (4-2 in best bets), you are obligated to keep swinging. You ride the beautifully innocent and irrelevant college football logic as long as possible. You accept that a tiger being cuter than a hog is all the information you need. You accept that uniform colors and campus locations are satisfactory reasons to expect success.
This was the whole point of this experiment. Knowing nothing can be better than knowing it all — as long as you know never to walk away from a hot dealer.
Virginia Tech (-3½) over PITTSBURGH: The Panthers will keep it close through the first half, but the nation’s seventh-worst pass defense will be their downfall, giving the Hokies the inside track to a spot in the ACC Championship game.
Navy (+61/2) over SOUTH FLORIDA: After giving up 6.3 yards per carry in a loss to Temple, the Bulls’ 100th-ranked run de- fense is even less prepared for Navy’s triple-option, fourth-ranked rushing attack.
Louisville (-33) over VIRGINIA: Tack on another two touchdowns and the Cardinals still might cover comfortably. With Lamar Jackson leading the Heisman Trophy race and one-loss Louisville needing style points to enhance its argument for playoff inclusion, the blowouts won’t stop anytime soon.
PURDUE (+11½) over Penn State: Did you hear? Penn State got its first signature win under James Franklin. So, that means the Nittany Lions also are walking into their first letdown game of this era.
MICHIGAN STATE (+231/2) over Michigan: Don’t throw out the records in this rivalry game, because the Wolverines really are that much better than the Spartans, who have lost five straight games. But don’t disregard Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, either, or ignore the fact the home team is playing its last meaningful game of the season.
West Virginia (-4) over OKLAHOMA STATE: Pistol Pete — the mascot known as the “ugly Cowboy” by the top handicapper in my family — probably will want to hide his face this Saturday, stuck on the wrong side of the surging Mountaineers, who look more and more legitimate each week.
Baylor (-31/2) over TEXAS: Waco over Austin? Really? “Because of Joanna and Chip.” Who? “From Fixer Upper.” Of course.
Florida (-7½) over Georgia (at Jacksonville, Fla.): If Bulldogs fans drink enough at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, perhaps they will forget their team has only one win over a team with a winning record this season.
NOTRE DAME (+2½) over Miami: Not so long ago, this game looked like it could impact the playoff chase. Now, neither team may play in a bowl. Catholics versus Convicts seems like it happened a century ago.
Washington (-10) over UTAH: Quarterback Jake Browning should be in New York for the upcoming Heisman ceremony, but the Huskies’ defense may be the biggest reason they should go undefeated in the regular season. Washington is allowing fewer than 15 points per game.
OHIO STATE (-261/2) over Northwestern: If the Buckeyes win out, they will be in the playoff. Nothing has changed. May the bounce-back begin.
Kansas (+401/2) over OKLAHOMA: It will be a massacre, but the Sooners’ defense — allowing 37 points per game — is too shaky to lay that many points.
WISCONSIN (-8½) over Nebraska: The Badgers proved more in losses to Michigan and Ohio State than the Cornhuskers have shown at any point during their undefeated run against underwhelming competition.
Auburn (-4½) over MISSISSIPPI: The Rebels’ abysmal run defense was predictably abused for 284 yards on the ground last week by Leonard Fournette. Now, the next batch of Tigers arrive, having just rushed for 543 yards and seven rushing touchdowns against Arkansas. Ruh Roh.
FLORIDA STATE (+41/2) over Clemson: What was supposed to be one of the biggest games of the season instead will just be Clemson’s last major hurdle of the regular season. Like so much of this campaign, the Tigers’ win will end up being much closer than it should have to be.
The Mrs.’ can’t-miss picks: Virginia Tech, Michigan State, Washington THIS SEASON: 57-58-4 BEST BETS: 11-12-1 2014-15 RECORD: 262-245-6