It’s a helluva town, you know

RUDY and Christie both nixed ambassadorships. I mean, who wouldn’t prefer maybe downtown Kigali, Rwanda, instead of being near St. Pat’s, Rock Rink, UN, Met Museum, Statue of Liberty, Freedom Tower, Radio City Music Hall, Diamond Exchange, Stock Exchange, Wall Street, Fifth Avenue, Madison Avenue, Park Avenue, Broadway, Central Park, Bronx Zoo, Chinatown, Little Italy, Empire State Building, Lincoln Center, Fashion District, and best bagels in captivity. Back aways, Peter Stuyvesant’s farm was on what’s now 17th and the East River. Today, two beauts from his hood panted to be president. We’re talking New York, where $90 mil penthouse owners schlep coffee from crappy street carts. Where if you check the time, they heist your watch. Of course, being NYC, we’re talking a good make of watch.

Small? You can walk across us in shoes that sell for $1,200. But nobody’s left to fix them. Theater? Can’t get crosstown unless you’re born there. Rain? No taxi. Snow? No plow. Rush-hour? No seat. Summer? Air-conditioning repairmen work only in winter.

NYC. Original home of two TV Jimmys, Katie Couric, Katie Holmes, Whoopi and Woody, Dustin and Derek. Yanks and franks. Sex and Saks. Tramps and Trumps. Lamborghinis and Ferraris. No Hummers because they can’t squeeze through the construction. And foreigners are looking to live here permanently. To become Americans? No. To become Manhattanites.