Hondo: It’s all over!
H ONDO, whose handicapping performance has been both overwhelming and underrated, coincidentally has clinched at least a tie in the race for the Bettor’s Guide Postseason Over/Under Championship. With that in mind, it is suggested you pay close heed to the following analysis (or at least the estimated final score).
Falcons-Patriots: Any hesitation Mr. Aitch had about his initial inclination to give “3” ended when he read Gisele gave Tommy a special necklace that will help protect him against the Falcons. Couple that with her perpetual “pray for Tommy” mantra, and a BradyRoger Goodell podium bro hug appears inevitable.
Other possibly pivotal factors include:
The Falcons’ motto is: “Brotherhood.” The Patriots’ unofficial motto is: “BrotherHoodie.” Adage edge to Pats.
Certified pigskin genius Bill Belichick has been singing “Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” for the past two weeks, an indication he has been scheming to stop the Falcons’ top threat. Simon says edge to Pats.
New England has the No. 3 scoring offense, while the Falcons have the No. 27 scoring defense. Big point-differential edge to Pats.
Atlanta running back Devonta Freeman proclaimed his offense can “do whatever we want.” Unless he has somehow been able to check under the Hoodie, chances are he will live to regret that comment. Bulletin board edge to Pats.
The Patriots need “one for the thumb,” so they can thumb their noses at Goodell, aka New England’s Most Hated Man. Motivational edge to Patriots.
A win by Brady and Belichick, who are FOTs (friends of Trump), would infuriate all the media southpaws who want to dictate who people should take as their pals. Given the current anti-media climate, yuuuge edge to Pats.
Then there’s that thing about the No. 1 defense (Patriots) squaring off with the No. 1 offense (Falcons). “This ain’t your father’s NFL: Offense, not defense, wins championships,” one prognosticator wrote before the Seahawks’ top-rated “D” buried the Broncos’ No. 1rated “O,” 43-8, in XLVII. Hondo has learned his lesson — this IS your father’s NFL: Pa-
OTHER TOP-NOTCH HONDONATION PICKS: Mrs. Aitch: Patriots 23-11; Hondo’s First Heir: Falcons 36-30; Hondo’s Second-ButEqual Heir: Patriots 30-24; Esteemed golf pro Bill Maloney: Patriots 34-31; Occasionally ontime former Metro-North engineer Fred Kelly: Patriots 28-24; BarkingMut: Patriots 31-27; Emauler Ed Buckmir: Falcons 38-35; P.I. Mick Buckmir: Patriots 41-17; Donny Mac: Patriots 34-16; and MBA-sniffing (still) K-Dog of Md.: Patriots 34-20.
➤ NFL executive vice-president Troy Vincent sent the Giants and Roger Goodell a letter detailing how well behaved OBJ was at the Pro Bowl_— a clear-cut case of low expectations yielding high praise.
Do with this what you will, but Donald Trump aide Kel- lyanne Conway says Trump spokesman Sean Spicer has an important alternative fact relating to Super Bowl LI: The Falcons have the worst offense in the league.
From emailer Donny Mac: While some people still are questioning why President Trump would pick Woody Johnson for UK Ambassador, it could be The Donald merely is attempting to provide some balance to all the winning he plans to do.
The feds reportedly are considering child-porn charges against Anthony Weiner, which not only would send him away for a minimum of 15 years but, depending on his cellmate, also could end up forcing him to alter his nickname to “Carla Danger.”
From emauler Ed Buckmir: No one runs the pick-and-rub routes better than the Patriots’ WRs. In fact, the only two who came close this season were sideline sinus-searcher Jim Harbaugh and that hands-on security guard in San Diego.
Gregg Popovich has been pontificating so much about his loathing of President Trump that if a movie is made about the Spurs’ coach’s life, the actor best-suited to play the role will be Meryl Streep.
From BarkingMut, aka the HondoNation SoBe correspondent: Singer Tom Jones now says he wants to write a song about the choice in chapeaus many made for the Women’s March the day after President Trump’s inauguration. It will be entitled: “What’s New, PussyHat?”
Now that Caroline Kennedy is no longer Ambassador to Japan, she is returning to New York and reportedly wants to make another run for the Senate. You’ll recall she also tried in 2008, but dropped out for “personal reasons,” namely because she was, um, like, uh, unable to talk like an adult.
City raw bar chef Dan Hoyt pled guilty to a misdemeanor charge of committing serial acts of public lewdness. Maybe it’s time for Dan The Hand to choose a career more suitable for his talents, such as being a security guard for the Chargers.
Hillary Clinton reportedly will reissue “It Takes a Village” in the form of an illustrated edition for young people. While the original focused on the “Village” needed to raise a child, word is this one will concentrate on the “Village” she feels was responsible for losing the presidential election —FBI director James Comey, the Russians, FOX News, fake news, Obama and Anthony “AWad” Weiner’s crotch photography.
Oscar De La Hoya was charged last week for DUI. In his defense, it can’t be easy to pass a field-sobriety test while wearing spiked heels and fishnet stockings.
Rev. Manuel Cruz, an auxiliary bishop, allegedly was punched in the mouth by a man named Charles Miller during a Saturday Mass at a church in Newark. That could mean big trouble for Miller, given that the Catholic Church frowns on beating the bishop.