Lights, camera, action!

SAY what you want about the dialogue and storyline of “Fifty Shades Darker” — at the end of the day, it’s two attractive people having sex in flattering lighting. Here, we take a look at the sex scenes and rate their feasibility on a scale of 1 to 5 whips (5 being the most realistic). — Lauren Steussy

DATE-NIGHT ANTICS: Christian and Anastasia are chopping bell peppers for a stay-at-home date night, but quickly begin making out, proceeding to the bedroom for a tame, bondage-free romp. The majority of the two-minute scene is spent with Christian on his knees, making this “date night” less vanilla than expected. SPANKS, BUT NO SPANKS: Before a charity gala at his parents’ mansion, Christian uses a sex toy to tease Anastasia. After Anastasia drops $24,000 at the auction, the pair escape to his childhood bedroom for aggressive spanking, followed by sex.

DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME: In the first of the movie’s two bondage scenes, Christian uses a rigid contraption to flip Anastasia onto her back by her feet in one fell, unrealistically smooth swoop. OH, SHEET: Anastasia is blindfolded and bound as Christian twists her sideways in a maneuver that elicits unabashed gasps from the audience. In the same scene, he slowly drips oil down her body, yet manages never to spill it onto their pristine satin sheets. THE Total seconds SEX, time BY spent THE having NUMBERSsex: 8 minutes, 3 Total make-out time: 2 minutes, 43 seconds Number of spanks: 5 Number of panties dropped: 4 Times her boss should be reported to HR: 8

There may not be much of a plot, but there’s a whole lot of sex in “Fifty Shades Darker,” out now.