Ditch Disney
The grown-up way to take in Anaheim, Calif.
THE kids, the crowds, the overpriced churros, the creepy animatronics. If ever you needed a drink, it’s inside Disneyland. Problem is, unless you’re a card-carrying member of Disney’s secretive Club 33, there’s no place to get one. In fact, short of joining the mile-high club on Space Mountain, there are no places to have grown-up fun ’round the Mouse’s House down in SoCal.
The reality sinks in during the long ride from LAX to my Anaheim hotel (flying into John Wayne would’ve been smarter, note to self ). I’m passing by a mob of church campers in matching fluorescent green shirts, Running of the Bullsing their way down Harbor Boulevard toward their murine mecca.
Things aren’t looking up.
It’s not just the park, I realize. The entire godforsaken town is nothing but a fascist toddlergarchy where ruthless rugrats run the whole show — and everyone else, of voting age-plus, is at their mercy. Or is it? Behind the paper-menu Mickey balaclavas and spitefully discarded Knott’s Berry Farm brochures that litter its streets lies a more grown-up — dare I say postpubescent — side to Orange County’s largest city. You know, more Parent, less Trap. Here, five ways to have adult fun in Anaheim.
BOOZY AND THE BEAST
Bavarian grape farmers settled this once feral slice of SoCal wasteland (“Ana,” after the nearby Santa Ana River; “heim,” German for home). The legacy these Teutonic farm boys left behind? Beer — and lots of it. Of all the craft raft breweries in town, Unsungng Brewing Co. ( UnsungBrewing. ewing.
com) is the badassest, usinging in-inhouse created superheroesoes as concepts for its different beers. Buzz Man is a mutant ale, PropellerHead is an amber, Anthia a is an IPA. You’ll find its whole Justice League of characters painted on the walls of their tasting room. m. Make like Lois Lane and
embrace these supermen wholeheartedly. There are plenty other ways to get your buzz on, though. Visit in the fall and you can celebrate Oktoberfest at the Anaheim Brewery ( AnaheimBrew.
com). Yet another local watering hole is Noble Ale Works ( NobleAleWorks.com). Or just drop by on any Tuesday — of any season — for tacos. At my hotel, the Anaheim Marriott ( Marriott.com), the nFuse Bar & Kitchen was serving up over 65 whiskeys and bourbons, 24 regional and rotating seasonal craft beer and a whole hodgepodge of handmade cocktails. Did I mention a convention of Herbalife “salespeople” took over the hotel who were, for whatever reason, mostly Mormon? So I basically had the run of the bar while they had the run of the hotel’s milk reserves. It was a beautiful thing.
PILOTS OF THE CARIBBEAN
Vomiting and/or passing out likely isn’t high up on your typical vacation itinerary, but in this case, maybe make an exception. With SkyThrills!, you get to actually take control of a biplane and do loop-deloops and other crazy bucketlist stunts ( SkyThrills.com).
101 CHOW-MATIONS
The OC’s (“o” for orange) naming was a ploy to lure produce companies in the late 19th century. It worked. One such giant citrus factory was born in Anaheim. Now, a billion spiritual years later, the place has been repurposed into a two-level, two-dozen food-stalled space called the Anaheim Packing House. And true to its name, it’s always packed with the city’s hungry youth, who gobble up the locally sourced grub vendors sling — Mexican food, snow cones, crepes, artisanal hot dogs, waffles, egg rolls — all to the soundtrack of whatever live band is playing on the main staircase ( AnaheimPacking District.com).
VAN-TASIA
If you’ve never had to do an escape bus . . . you’ve probably never had a date on Valentine’s Day! We kid. A puzzle-solving, team-building, nerdball experience, Anaheim’s new Escape Bus is where you use your wits and not-so-subtly planted clues to figure your way out of a narrated, murder mystery theater-like predicament. But, you know, on a bus that can park anywhere ( TheEscape Bus.com).
THE MIGHTY DUCKS
The NHL’s Mighty Ducks currently lead the league in fights. During a pre-season game against the Sharks I watched last year, a good three or four on-ice throwdowns broke out. All in spite of the Ducks’ PG-rated origin story. Though, now called the Anaheim Ducks and housed at the Honda Center, they’re no longerlong owned by TheTh Mouse ( NHL.com/N Ducks).D