Charity belongs at home

Don’t let pesky fund-raising co-workers pressure you into giving at the office

L AST fall, while her co-workers were raving about how fulfilled they felt after completing their various fund-raising walks and runs, Julie (who asked that her last name be withheld) remembers feeling lonely, empty and broke.

“They were going to happy hours and buying new clothes. I was sitting home by myself because I had blown all of my extra spending money — $2,000 — sponsoring their causes,” says the 25-year-old recruiter who works in Midtown.

Whether it was breast cancer, leukemia, Parkinson’s, depression or diabetes, “I made the pledge,” says the Queens resident, noting that each of her co-workers had made a good case for their cause; that she was new on the job and wanted to be liked, and that she didn’t know how to say no. “So I paid the price for saying yes,” she says.

Not everyone blows their budgets donating to co-workers’ favorite charities, but feeling confused, annoyed, or even angered by colleagues’ well intentioned solicitations isn’t uncommon, say experts. After all, it’s human nature to want to help, whether it’s toward curing a disease or buying Girl Scout Cookies, and to find it uncomfortable, even guilt-provoking, when you say no.

“It’s unrealistic to think you can contribute to every cause,” says modern-mannersand-etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. She advises that you choose a cause or causes, and that you donate only to those. That way when someone makes the pitch for their charity, you can say, “Great, I’m glad you’re so passionate about your cause, let me tell you about mine and why I donate there.”

Some workers get trapped by the idea that if they agree to sponsor one of their colleagues, they have to sponsor them all. If you fall in that camp, then make a policy, says etiquette-and-relationship expert April Masini.

“Choose a modest amount that you are willing to give to anyone who asks for a donation and explain that this is your policy. You wish it could be more, but this small amount allows you to give to the many folks who are asking,” she says.

Also, you don’t have to donate at all. “Be polite and clear when you decline and wish your fund-raiser good luck,” says Masini.

That’s something that Joe, 36, a software designer who works in Chelsea, wishes he could do when he’s approached by co-workers selling things on behalf of their children — Girl Scout Cookies, boxed citrus fruits, holiday cards, gift wrap and even cat toys.

“No, I don’t want to buy wrapping paper from your rug rat,” the Noho resident remembers wanting to say when a coworker he barely knew solicited him. “I couldn’t come up with a good excuse on the spot, so I bought $50-worth,” he says, noting that he rarely even does his own gift-wrapping.

“You don’t need an explanation: Simply say no,” says etiquette expert Elaine Swann. “It’s not going to feel good but, like ripping off a Band-Aid, get it over with fast.”

Mary, a 29-year-old accounting clerk who works for a city agency, says that she was once asked to donate toward a dress for her co-worker’s aunt to be laid to rest in.

“Can you believe it? As if it matters what a corpse wears,” says the Bronx resident, adding that she eventually gave in because each of her co-workers had chipped-in $10.

There’s an out, even for that, says Masini. “Make it a rule not to give at the office be- cause it creates conflict.”

So how do you solicit money from coworkers without making them feel bad?

“Be mindful of whom you ask,” says Swann, noting that people tend to give based on relationships. “And make sure to give anyone you ask a way out,” she adds, so that it doesn’t affect the relationship.

Masini suggests that you approach people straight-on, tell them that you’re raising funds for a charity and that you’d like to give them a chance to sponsor you. “But also make it clear that you understand that they may not be able to contribute, may not want to contribute or may be fund-raising for something themselves. Call out the offer, as well as the way to opt out,” she says, noting that kind of pitch might be more effective anyway. “That type of good etiquette is much more likely to win you contributions, because it’s an understanding pitch,” she says.