RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Divorce lawyers Dana and Michael Stutman share their marriage tips so that you won’t have to hire them.

Don’t fight to win

“People like to win because they see things as a struggle and don’t see their spouse as their partner,” Dana says. “Especially for men, they find it emasculating [to apologize].”

But she says that “if you just sit down early and just say an introductory line that breaks the ice, it’ll be much easier to resolve things ... it costs nothing to say you’re sorry.”

Don’t put your kids at the center of your marriage

“Sometimes you’re so committed [to your kids] you lose your relationship,” Michael says. But, “kids are only gonna be with you in your house for 20 years.” For a healthy marriage — and a happy family — parents have to make spending one-on-one time with each other, without children, a priority.

Show your appreciation

“The mere fact that you’re sleeping with somebody doesn’t mean you get to take certain things for granted,” Dana says. “Everyone wants to hear ‘please,’ everyone wants to hear ‘thank you.’ ”

Address the small concerns

A big reason behind messy divorces is when couples fail to acknowledge minor infractions that lead up to a split, whether one partner forgets to take out the trash, or the other partner doesn’t pick up the phone often enough.

“Michael and I are better spouses because we see all these little problems and address them and dig a little deeper,” Dana says. “Figure out why things bother you and what the real problem is.”