Dubious Masters doublespeak

WHO IS Knicely Dunn? Throughout Masters coverage, good shots repeatedly were spoken by CBS and ESPN commentators as having been made — or “struck” — by “Knicely Dunn.”

By now this “patrons” thing should come as no surprise and small bother. If that’s the house rule, no big deal. If I’m in your home and you want me to call your dog by its full name, I’ll do it.

But the continuing, worsening nonsense from the mouths of TV’s golf voices has become epidemic.

Friday, Phil Mickelson pushed his drive on the 15th. The ball stopped — er, “came to rest” (on TV, golf balls apparently become exhausted) — behind a tree. The commen- tators failed to note if it was a Loblolly Pine, a Georgian Azalea or a Strewn Cigar Ash. Regardless, even by Mickelson’s standards — he’s a big gambler — he had no shot. So he played out, up the fairway.

As Mickelson was about to hit his third, Peter Kostis, who has lost the ability to speak golf in English-asfirst-language, said, “Phil Mickelson has negotiated his second shot [to here], around the trees.”

Negotiated? Was he serious? Did Kostis vet the contract?

Yesterday on the third, Kostis said Jordan Spieth “elected” not to use his driver. Elected? Sure, “Vote for Three-Wood!”

Then there were putts made from 4-to-10 feet; those were “well-holed.”

“Well-holed?” There are no poorly holed putts; the ball’s either in or it isn’t. And the leader no longer “has the lead,” he “has set the pace.” Pace? What pace?

Also, balls no longer roll toward the hole or down a hill, away from it, they “trundle.”

And why is there a postTiger Woods assumption, especially from Jim Nantz and Nick Faldo, that everyone watching is rooting for “the big names,” thus we should be pumped as “big names move up the leaderboard”?

Most “big names” began as small names, and why wouldn’t some of us be rooting for them? Zach Johnson, 2007 Masters winner, wasn’t enjoyable?

You’re lucky; you get to hit “mute.”