Wild and woodsy
Some see Mother Nature as a tranquil haven that permits vacationers to occasionally push their limits. Others see it as a battleground that pits adventurers against nature’s harshest realities.
For the latter, tougher crowd, there’s Outdoor Life, whose April cover is strewn with big, scary bowie knives under the bold headline “Survive Anything!” Yes, readers will learn how to amputate their own limbs in this 78-page mag.
This is a far cry from Outside magazine’s May cover featuring US Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn and nine other glamorous women clad in gleaming-white get-ups behind the tagline “The Future of Adventure is Female.”
Indeed, Outside gives us a sixpage essay on spa treatments from one Taffy BrodesserAkner, who opens up by sharing her V-steam experience, a supposedly ancient but newly trendy spa treatment (thanks, Gwyneth Paltrow), in which women pay for the privilege of sitting nude atop vat of herbal steam. “When you’re done, your nether region should feel like new, like you just unwrapped it for the first time,” BrodesserAkner gushes.
Meanwhile, the closest Outdoor Life gets to a woman’s “nether region” is in survival tip No. 24, which advises that tampons should be in every emergency kit — to be repurposed as kindling, for example.
Brodesser-Akner reports, albeit with skepticism, about juicing, colonics, and other measures to rid the body of toxins. But Outdoor Life’s tip No. 30 instructs readers how to am- putate their own limb — in fewer than 200 words. Readers will also learn how to treat a gunshot wound, sew stitches and, when required, escape from being trapped under a horse. (Spoiler alert: Seabiscuit gets a shot to the head and you free yourself by “breaking him down.” While feasting on horse meat, take a cue from Luke Skywalker and sleep in his hollowed-out hide. Outdoor Life, of course, knows someone who did this and survived.)
Elsewhere, Outdoor Life has a 12-page spread on the best rod- and-reel combos for fishermen — most of which can be had for well under $300. The magazine did gush over a “dreamy” Loomis rod, which, when paired with a Shimano Metanium reel, will set you back $955. At least it admits its extravagances. Outside’s gear spread is more about fashion than function, recommending a $500 fly rod and a $1,255 handpainted reel for “extra flair.”
There may be one point of agreement between Outside and Outdoor Life when it comes to ridding the body of toxins. Despite what you’ve seen on Bear Grylls, “avoid piss-poor judgement,” tip No. 45 instructs. That is, don’t drink your own urine in survival situations. “It’s a waste product, and your body is trying to get rid of it. Let it.”
Speaking of piddling, a twopage dog-food advertorial in Outside tells how Kona and Cali, two female cattle dogs, are “winning Instagram.” Outdoor Life, meanwhile, has a feature on making a hunter out of a dog — even if it’s a cute, cuddly cocker spaniel.