The New Dad
How kids benefit from fathers’ changing role
DEREK Jeter, soon-to-be Hall of Fame New York Yankee and sooner-to-be dad, was asked if he was ready for his impending fatherhood. He admitted he wasn’t. “You know, I prided myself in my career to be prepared at all games,” he said. “Any time I’m unprepared, it makes me uncomfortable. I’m unprepared.”
What’s amazing about this is that not so long ago any dad, but in particular one with the kind of means that Jeter has, could have easily shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure, I’m ready, nothing to it” and been mostly right. A father’s involvement was often hands-off; kids were the province of the mom or paid help. Don Draper was no anomaly.
Jeter’s child is being born at a time of unprecedented involvement and interest by dads in the lives of their children. A Pew poll last year found that 57 percent of dads considered parenthood to be “extremely important to their identity,” and 54 percent of dads find it rewarding “all of the time,” which is two points higher than even moms.
It’s an excellent development. As more-involved fatherhood becomes the norm, children benefit. Studies have shown that paternal involvement has increased sevenfold since the 1970s. A study last month from Imperial College London, King’s College London and Oxford University found that “an active male role in the early stages of babies’ development produced better performance in cognitive tests by the age of 2.”
Celebrities are reflecting this changed reality. In an interview last week about becoming a firsttime father in his late 60s, Steve Martin said, “If I’d had a child earlier, I would have been a lousy father, because I would have misplaced my attention on my career.”
The acknowledgement that a famous actor focusing on his career over his child would have been a mistake is a new development. Also this month, golf pro Phil Mickelson made news when he decided to skip the US Open to attend his daughter’s highschool graduation. He told reporters it was a no-brainer: “It’s one of those things you just need to be there, so it wasn’t a hard decision.”
A few days ago, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld co-hosted an early Father’s Day lunch for the charity GOOD+ Foundation. The lunch benefits the charity’s Engaging Fathers program because fathers “make a significant difference in the well-being of their children” and there existed “a lack of social services supporting fathers.”
Jerry sits on the charity’s “Fatherhood Leadership Council.” Dads matter.
Yet still the “bumbling dad” stereotype exists in TV shows and media — though there’s finally resistance to the trope. When The New York Times published a piece in January about men staying home for a weekend and, gasp, taking care of their own children while their wives went to the Women’s March, it was roundly mocked. It turned out that men making lunch for their kids and taking them to birthday parties wasn’t the arduous task portrayed by the Times but another run-ofthe-mill weekend.
The idea that “dads are dumb and moms have to do everything” also persists. An ad for the classifieds app LetGo shows a man holding on to his beer dis- penser for the eventual man cave he’ll build. His wife sighs and reminds him they’re turning the room into a playroom instead and sells his dispenser while the husband sinks into quicksand. Dad can’t even manage to avoid quicksand!
Pop culture still has a ways to go to reflect the changing role of fathers, but it’s heading in the right direction. In January, I wrote in these pages about the hit show “This Is Us” and how part of its appeal is the portrayal of the father of the family: loving, nurturing, competent. It’s a better reflection of what modern fatherhood is trying to be.
Fathers continue to have a hard road to climb to be equally involved parents. When a child is born, no one asks the dad if he plans to keep working or stay home to raise the baby. Fathers are expected to participate in decisions of child-raising, but it’s a running joke in our society that moms have the final say.
It wouldn’t be crazy for men to prefer to retreat into their man caves and let the women go on running the show. The fact that dads aren’t doing that, that they prefer to be involved, should be applauded. A father’s role is important, and the more we acknowledge that and encourage fathers to participate in childrearing, the better.