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estimates that he’s spent upward of $30,000 on weddings, including travel, gifts and the bachelor parties, over the years.
Women — such as Katherine Heigl’s character in the 2008 movie “27 Dresses” — aren’t the only ones who have to endure being in wedding after wedding, confronting their singlehood each time. Serial bridesmaids have met their match in serial groomsmen — who also have to deal with the emotional and financial stress such celebrations bring.
“It’s not like you can say no when your friend asks you, but that’s definitely crossed my mind,” says a 15-time groomsman from the Lower East Side who withheld his name for professional reasons but estimates that he’s dropped at least $150,000 on weddings over a decade.
This 27-year-old unnamed groomsman — who is currently unemployed but works in the finance industry — needs a spreadsheet to keep track of all the wedding presents he must buy. In addition to being a groomsman in more than a dozen weddings, he has attended nearly 60 weddings in his lifetime.
Of all the couples he’s watched trade vows, five have since divorced — so he’s in no rush to get married any time soon, he says. And although he likes catching up with friends, and his public-speaking skills have improved tremendously, he’s tired of the same old routine, wedding after wedding.
“The only goal is to not get too drunk,” says the happily single guy. “There’s nothing else to do.”
Brian Vincent, an Upper West Side native who now lives in Los Angeles, has been a groomsman in six weddings in his lifetime and has had positive experiences with almost all of them. He always feels honored when a buddy or family member asks him to be in a wedding, and loves watching the romance unfold.
But sometimes being that guy isn’t so great, especially when you’re bitterly single after more than a few failed relationships.
“The hardest part is not being able to celebrate those weddings with someone that I’m going in that direction with,” says Vincent, a 36-yearold fashion designer who’s currently single and looking for a woman who could be wife material. “Being at a wedding is fun and great, but you also want to look in someone else’s eyes and say, ‘That’s going to be us.’ ”
And then there’s the vexing, if well-meaning, commentary from fellow guests.
Mark Arem, who’s been a groomsman six times, says it can be especially annoying when attendees see him without a plus-one and offer to set him up with “their hairdresser’s sister’s daughter.”
“I often got the ‘you’ll be next to get married’ line from my friends,” says Arem, a 26-year-old account manager for a media company from Hoboken, NJ. “I always just kind of roll [my] eyes and chuckle to myself, say, ‘Thank you,’ and move on.”
That changed last year, when Arem started dating his future wife, who he met on JDate. The two will wed next year.
Still, the groomsmen admit they have it easier than bridesmaids — at least when it comes to prying questions about their single status.
“I think people ask guys more in jest,” says Vincent. “Women get it in a more serious way because there’s more pressure on a woman to get married and have a family in a certain period of time.”
And while so-called bridezillas can make bridesmaids’ lives a living hell, groomsmen also deal with their fair share of guy drama. Vincent says while he wouldn’t call his cousin — for whom he was a groomsman in June — a “groomzilla,” lastminute family drama and some unexpected financial issues turned an otherwise joyful day into a stressful one.
“I love him to death and I would have done it all over again,” Vincent says. “I just would have planned it a little better.”
At least for Arem, the curse of being a perpetual groomsman is over — although he does look back lovingly on seeing all his best friends get married. Now, instead of dreading the constant questions about his future love life, he’ll have an answer of “I do” — alongside nine of his closest buds.
“Before I even thought about how I would propose to [my fiancée], I was thinking about who would be in my groomsmen party,” he says, laughing. “I just really want to include all my friends so they can get the same feeling at my wedding that I got at theirs.”