Friends with Benefits
Being BFFs with your coworkers pays dividends
I F you don’t want to be pals with you coworkers, don’t bother applying for a job at Mekanism.
“The old adage about keeping your personal and work lives separate is outdated,” says Jason Harris, president and CEO of the Financial District-based creative services agency. In fact, you might not even get an interview at Mekanism unless you have a personal connection to someone who works there.
“We only hire friends, friends of employees and friends of friends,” says Harris, who is 46 and lives in Lower Manhattan. He says that at a high-pressure, always-on company like his, people have to like each other and want to spend time together.
“If you want to clock out at the end of the day and leave your work and your co-workers behind, you won’t succeed here. This is not the right place for you,” he says.
But it is the perfect place for Melissa Hill, 35, who also lives in Lower Manhattan. She shares meals with her colleagues, they hang out on weekends, go to the movies and have parties. They not only celebrate the good times but also have each other’s backs.
When Hill’s romantic relationship of three years ended, “everybody — even the CEO — knew about it,” she says. But instead of having to come into the office pretending not to be devastated, Hill says that Harris gave her a week off to make her peace with the breakup. “That’s part of the culture here,” she says.
While not all wage earners are this closely bonded to each other, 62 percent of employees say that being buddies with co-workers outside the workplace is beneficial, according to a recent survey conducted by Accountemps.
Experts such as Rich Deosingh, a senior regional vice president at Robert Half International, agree. He says that people who work with friends tend to be more comfortable and productive, often get their work done ahead of schedule, and are easier to retain.
Having a pal at the office might also be a key to your overall happiness, according to Annie McKee, author of “How To Be Happy at Work” (Harvard Business Review Press, out now).
“Going to your job with blinders on, focused only on the task at hand, doesn’t serve you,” she says, adding that we spend too much time at work to leave an important part of who we are, and our happiness, outside the door.
McKee advocates for something called “companionate love,” which reaches beyond the watercooler and renders relationships where people are safe to be themselves, let others show themselves, and feel as if they belong.
“We’re tribal people; we need to know that we count and [that] we are cared for,” she says.
That’s something that Nancy, a manager at a downtown investment bank, who asked that her last name be omitted for professional reasons, knows a bit about.
When the 33-year-old Brooklyn resident was going through fertility treatments two years ago, “I was an emotional wreck who had to pee all of the time,” she says. “If my team didn’t know that this wasn’t my normal, that I was trying to have a baby and that the behavior would pass, they might have quit in a group exodus or I might have been fired.”
But when she finally got pregnant, “We were all so relieved and so happy. It was a communal celebration,” she says.
And while sharing it all and bearing it all might have worked out well for the employees in these situations, Deosingh cautions against not having boundaries. “You need to set limits,” he says.
There are no hard and fast rules, according to McKee. “It’s a complicated dance. You have to know your co-workers and your organization’s culture,” she says.
But one thing is certain, according to all. Having friends in the workplace makes you happier. And when you are happy, you tend be more productive and do better work.
“Relationships come before happiness. Happiness comes before success,” says McKee.
Developing personal relationships with your co-workers can be tricky. They tend to be made offline, and you have to be willing to make the effort and invest the time, says Dawn Fay, district president at Robert Half International.
While company powwows or team-building exercises won’t do the trick, here’s what will, and how to get started:
Get out of the office
Invite a co-worker out for coffee or lunch. Go beyond the job and the superficial. “Look for shared interests, ask about what they like to do, like to read, about their hobbies,” says McKee.
Cast a wide net
Don’t limit yourself to teammates, people who are at the same professional level or coworkers of the same sex. “People are overly cautious. Be brave,” says McKee, noting that it’s fine to ask someone of the opposite sex to sit down with you one-on-one. And if you’re married or in a relationship, you don’t need to bring your partner along, like Vice President Mike Pence does.
Put yourself out there
“Look for opportunities to lend a helping hand,” says Deosingh. One simple way to get started is by offering to assist on someone’s charity drive.
Mind your boundaries
While honest, open and caring relationships are your aim, stay away from talking about paychecks, what you heard in meetings or otherwise disclosing information your office chums shouldn’t know. Says Fay: “People need to hear the right things from the right people at the right time.”