Tiny tots are attending protests and only using gender-neutral pronouns, but is being so socially conscious really child’s play?
“If you take your young child to a protest rally or march . . . [it] may be confusing or cause anger.” — Family therapist Fran Walfish
I T was Charlotte’s fifth birthday, and the kindergartner excitedly answered the door to greet guests. But when one proffered a brightly wrapped present, Charlotte’s smile turned to a frown. “You know you weren’t supposed to bring anything!” the Upper East Side birthday girl exclaimed, as she reminded the guest that this was “no gifts fifth.” In lieu of presents, guests were asked to donate money to support a local Syrian refugee family.
“We live on the Upper East Side, and I feel so many kids here can be raised in a bubble. They won the life lottery! And it’s really important to me that Charlotte has a larger view of the world,” says her mom, Lindsey Cormack, 31. Cormack has brought Charlotte to a few marches, and says other mom-and-kid duos join them. “[The children] yell, ‘Down with the patriarchy!’ and are laughing and giggling. They don’t necessarily understand what they’re saying, but they’re having fun and, over time, it starts to sink in.”
For many New York parents, it’s no longer enough to teach their kids the Golden Rule. They’re pushing their young children to be socially conscious mini-activists. Facebook groups such as “Intersectional Feminist/Social Justice Oriented Parents” have memberships in the thousands, and sessions of “Social Justice Storytime,” where books such as “A Is for Activist” are read to 1-year-olds, have been held at branches of the Brooklyn Public Library. Participants view the trend as positive, but some say preschoolers should be crying over broken toys, not election results and the refugee crisis.
“I am not an advocate of young children engaging in social activism,” says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., a family therapist based in Beverly Hills, Calif. “If you take your young child to a protest rally or march, the chances are great that your child will be exposed to visibly expressed anger and aggression that may be confusing or cause anger in your child. To me, the benefits are greatly outweighed by the possible negative influences.”
But some moms and dads see more pros than cons.
“I used to sort of look down on parents who brought their children to marches . . . like, ‘why are you using your child as a political prop?’ ” says Jordan Ho, 35, a mom of two in Jersey City. “But that changed when I became a parent.” Last year, Ho brought her son Oscar, now 2, to rallies to protest the travel ban. “Does he ‘get it’? Not now. But he will,” she says. “I don’t want him to grow up feeling sheltered. I want him to know that it’s important to stand up for his beliefs, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
And she doesn’t worry about making Oscar anxious.
“Honestly, I’ve found it more stressful to walk down Canal Street on a Saturday morning than [to] go to a protest with my son,” says Ho, who recommends parents have an escape plan if their child seems upset or frustrated at a political event.
Others say kids should be the ones to decide if they want to attend a protest.
“Give your child a choice to decide how they feel on the topic,” says George Sachs, who has a doctorate in psychology and works as a child psychologist in private practice in Manhattan. “And make it OK if they decide not to attend.”
Some parents aren’t taking junior to marches but are still finding ways to make their offspring socially aware.
“My daughter is just 2, so we haven’t engaged in a lot of external activism yet, but I see even story time as a chance to guide her thinking,” says Catherine Bailey, 37, a mom of one in West Hartford, Conn., who created Think or Blue, a blog focused on gender-neutral parenting.
Bailey is careful to refer to individuals not as a man or a woman, but as a “person.” “When my daughter says, ‘See that person walking the doggie,’ my heart soars,” says Bailey, who says these linguistic shifts are an important way to challenge gender norms.
But in their quest to ensure everything surrounding their children is politically correct, some parents risk alienating potential play dates. “I once invited a friend and her son over to play with my toddler, and she couldn’t stop commenting on how a play tepee I had was an example of ‘cultural appropriation,’ ” says Melissa S., a mom in Hoboken, NJ, who doesn’t want her last name used for personal reasons. “I understood her point, but she was so pushy in making it that it just made me want to never invite her over again.”
But, Melissa says she did learn something from the ill-fated play date. “We do now call it the play tent, not the tepee,” she says. “So I guess she had a point.”