Christmas without my kirill
Mother’s struggle 4 years after tot’s roof-toss death
Svetlana Bukharina took her 3year-old son to see Santa, not knowing it would be his last Christmas.
Little Kirill could hardly contain his excitement as he sprinted over to St. Nick at the Fair Lawn, NJ, holiday festival and jumped in his arms.
“Kirill’s eyes lit up like Christmastree lights as soon as he saw Santa’s gift bag,” Bukharina recalled.
His favorite present was a yo-yo striped with red, white and green like a peppermint candy.
That night over Skype, Kirill’s dad promised to teach him how to use the yo-yo during their next visit.
Instead, Dmitriy Kanarikov killed his son.
The 35-year-old man, who was battling with his estranged wife for custody of Kirill, led the redheaded boy by the hand to the roof of his friend’s 52-story high-rise on the Upper West Side and shoved him off. Then, he jumped to his own death.
Now, four years after the Dec. 22 tragedy, Bukharina, 36, spoke publicly about her terrible loss, telling The Post of her quest to go on living and how she finds solace during the holidays.
“It’s hard to get into the festive spirit, but I do it for him,” said the Russian-born beauty, who carries her son’s peppermint yo-yo in her purse every day. “I knew he wouldn’t want me to be sad, so I do my best to truly enjoy Christmas.”
Every year around the time of her son’s death, Bukharina decorates his grave at the Russian Orthodox Novo-Diveevo cemetery in Nanuet, Rockland County, for Christmas.
This year, she festooned the base of the wooden white cross with two pine wreaths and a stuffed snowman.
To her delight, someone else had set up a tiny Christmas tree, and others left white roses.
“Every time we come, there are new fresh flowers, toys and decorations,” Bukharina said. “It warms my heart to see that people haven’t forgotten him.”
For the past three years, she has taken off from work on the tragic an- niversary to memorialize Kirill. This year was the first time she felt like she could work through the date.
“I wanted to make it more of a normal day,” said Bukharina, a director of finance strategy at UBS.
Later that day, her family and friends gathered at her parents’ Fair Lawn home, where they ate Russian food and shared stories of Kirill.
“There was plenty of laughter. I was so happy that when we remember him, it’s not a sad event,” she said. “He was such a happy, sunny child that it’s simply impossible to remember him in any other way.”
On Dec. 22, 2013, Bukharina was waiting for her boy at the 17th Precinct station house in Midtown, where Kanarikov was supposed to return Kirill at 1 p.m. after his weekly court-ordered visit.
He never showed. Three hours passed. “I waited and waited,” she said. Finally, at 4 p.m., police told her of the tragedy on West 60th Street.
“It felt like all blood drained out of my body,” she recalled.
Shattered, she made her way to the Synod of Bishops Russian Church on the Upper East Side and “fell onto the floor and just laid there crying.”
Bukharina, who now goes by her maiden name, said that her abusive ex-husband had previously threatened to kill their son and that murdering him was “his sick way to take Kirill away from me.”
“What happened was sudden and shocking for the entire world, but not for me,” she admitted. She has since found new strength. “If you let it, the pain will consume and destroy you,” she said. “So I very consciously worked on my survival.”
She went into full self-care mode, attending grief counseling and psychotherapy and listening to music, meditating and going to church.
What helped her most was still being Kirill’s mother.
“I thought, ‘OK, so he passed away, but what does he need?’ Well, he needs for us to remember him, to honor his memory and not get consumed by grief,” she said.
Bukharina created a Facebook group, Kirill’s Footprints, where she posts photos and stories about her “loving, warm, affectionate, cuddly and funny” son who loved trains.
She speaks about him with friends and family and keeps a framed photo of him on her desk at work. New York City itself also helped. “I definitely came out of my shell over the last four years,” she said. “I use the city to the max. Everything it has to offer. I love music, theater, food, night life, especially jazz clubs.”
Bukharina now lives alone in a one-bedroom on the Upper West Side, about 30 blocks from where Kirill was killed. She remains single.
“It’s not easy to find a partner in this life,” she said. “My goal is not to get a status of wife. My goal is to be happy with a partner or by myself.”
The avid traveler and violinist is also open to having more kids.
“I love children, and I absolutely loved and still love my son . . . so if it were to happen again great, but if it doesn’t, I’ll be OK,” she said.
“Just because something terrible happens doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to keep on living. And that’s what I’ve done.”