DROP THE DRIVEL

Years of Gruden saying nothing on MNF an ESPN embarrassment

WHAT makes the TV sports business singularly fascinating is its proven resistance to getting it right. No other enterprise could survive such repetitive, rotten and expensive decisions.

For nine NFL seasons ESPN paid Jon Gruden a fortune to provide close to nothing, and often less, as its Monday night football — the title no longer worthy of capitalization — analyst.

If a major corporation hired as its top consultant a fellow who produced nothing but platitudes while paying scarce attention to what he was paid to examine, that guy — and the genius who hired him — wouldn’t have survived the first year.

But ESPN proudly chose to sustain Gruden’s presence until

decided to leave. And arriving as a well-known coach, he weekly left us with nothing — unless viewers were enlightened by exclamations such as, “He has been a fine addition to this Miami Dolphins football team!”

Gruden showed up much the way 6-foot-6, 250-pound Wladamir Klitschko became heavyweight champ: He threw few, took fewer, leaned against and tied up the arms of opponents, waited for the bell, made millions.

If Gruden showed up prepared beyond a few stats and thumbnail bios, he kept it to himself. And increasingly play-by-play partner Sean McDonough could scarcely hide his frustration that intelligent, applicable discussion became impossible as only McDonough was paying attention to the game.

McDonough’s escalating loneliness became palpable. This season, when the Eagles scored a TD on their first play following a fumble recovery he was left gently flabbergasted as Gruden complimented the Eagles for running “a great series” of plays.

And Gruden’s steady indulgence of now common stupid, selfish post-play penalties — mindless, game-changing allabout-me malfeasance by professionals — forced McDonough to be a singular common-sense scold as Gruden took a pass.

But Gruden represents the latest in a series. Those making ESPN’s most important and expensive talent decisions seem to be a collection of those who don’t know enough to know better.

For 21 years, ESPN allowed Joe Morgan to vandalize its baseball telecasts with bogus current “facts,” bogus historical “facts,” bogus in-game analysis and inning-later 180-degree contradictions.

When Brent Musburger, widely disregarded as an untrustworthy shill, a wincingly insufferable “I’m here to tell you” presence and threadbare act after 17 years at CBS, hired by ABC, soon to be ESPN, to similarly annoy for the next 27 years.

Again, the commonality among shot-callers who don’t know enough to know better is fascinating, as in staggering.

Thus Gruden, weekly armed with indecipherable gibberish — “That was the ol’ Tampa two, buckaroo, bubble screen reverse rocking chair” — and with protracted artificial additives — “This young man will help this Chicago Bears football team” — and a steady disposition to ignore the significant — he quietly watched the NFL dissolve as a sport — was perfect for ESPN.

To that end, now ended, Gruden played ESPN perfectly. Next!