Why I’m not deleting my Facebook account

F ACEBOOK is dumb and bad and, as we’ve learned with even more clarity this week, evil.

And I’m not leaving. Yes, the Cambridge Analytica scandal is awful. But it’s also just the latest in a seemingly endless parade of ways in which, if you aren’t willing to go totally off the grid, your information is rather terrifyingly vulnerable.

I’m curious how many of the people frantically deleting their accounts — and scolding those of us who haven’t — own an Alexa or a Google Home or even just a smart TV? You know, the appliances with microphones constantly on in your home.

How many of them have lines of credit, use Uber, wear a Fitbit, shop at Target or have a Sony PlayStation? All of those modern advents have been targets of massive data hacks in the recent past.

Technology has always been a disaster in waiting. Believe me, I’m an expert, having watched the “Terminator” movies a LOT of times. Still, you have to pick your battles. And for now, I’m sticking with Facebook, the deeply uncool alternative to all other social media. Instagram? A gorgeous, narcissistic bore. Twitter? A never-ending screechfest of one-liners and political vitriol. Snapchat? Get outta here, I’m over 40.

Facebook, if done right, is the perfect antidote. (There are many ways to do it wrong; I would suggest quietly unfollowing a-holes, baby-pic over-posters and angel-meme-sharers.) Curated properly, it’s a bunch of old friends randomly checking in with each other for a few minutes each day. It’s just dull enough not to be a giant time suck.

There are common-sense rules. Don’t click on or share “news” stories from sketchy sites. Don’t install FB’s intrusive Messenger app. Don’t take quizzes that harvest your info — or “like” brands. Make your settings as private as possible. No, it’s not going to totally protect you from data mining; that ship, my friend, sailed long ago.

Sue me: I like the hokey birthday greetings and watching friends from different eras of my life swap book recommendations or snark about current events. Mostly, I like that we olds have managed to completely colonize the place.

I hope the Federal Trade Commission, now investigating Facebook, slaps the company with a fine huge enough to induce it to shore up privacy protections. I’m also hopeful a less nefarious alternative will surface — but it hasn’t happened yet. (Anyone remember Google Plus and Ello? Yeah, me neither.)

In the meantime, I’ll be hanging out with the other FB fuddy-duddies. You win this round, Zuckerberg.